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Why You Do the Things You Do: The Secret to Healthy Relationships

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In this transformational book, the authors have used ground-breaking research to develop four primary patterns of relating to one another that shed light on our actions--and how we can learn to love and be loved even better.


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In this transformational book, the authors have used ground-breaking research to develop four primary patterns of relating to one another that shed light on our actions--and how we can learn to love and be loved even better.

30 review for Why You Do the Things You Do: The Secret to Healthy Relationships

  1. 5 out of 5

    Bailey Marissa

    A great book that discusses the four attachment cycles, why we should care about the attachment cycles, and why it's important to try to move forward. The authors also give some tips on dealing with why we do things and how our history does not have to define our future. Recommended 15+ for talks of marriage/sex, addiction, and other problems of life. Used with Liberty University Online's CCOU 301: Christian Counseling for Marriage & Family. A great book that discusses the four attachment cycles, why we should care about the attachment cycles, and why it's important to try to move forward. The authors also give some tips on dealing with why we do things and how our history does not have to define our future. Recommended 15+ for talks of marriage/sex, addiction, and other problems of life. Used with Liberty University Online's CCOU 301: Christian Counseling for Marriage & Family.

  2. 4 out of 5

    Chad

    A must read. It will explain you to the reasons why all the people around you are crazy.

  3. 4 out of 5

    Andy Montero

    Very insightful read on how our past helps form beliefs about ourselves and others, affecting how we do relationships. Has a great perspective on healthy relationships and boundaries, as well as how to make the changes to move toward a secure relationship style, which is essentially what the Bible helps form in us. I was surprised to see so many good parenting tips and strategies here! Portrays the responsibilities of good, godly parenting and its effect on the child's relationship with others an Very insightful read on how our past helps form beliefs about ourselves and others, affecting how we do relationships. Has a great perspective on healthy relationships and boundaries, as well as how to make the changes to move toward a secure relationship style, which is essentially what the Bible helps form in us. I was surprised to see so many good parenting tips and strategies here! Portrays the responsibilities of good, godly parenting and its effect on the child's relationship with others and, most importantly, with God. Would highly recommend to parents and those who want to build compassion for others and themselves.

  4. 5 out of 5

    Ronald J. Pauleus

    Many should read this book. It’s so eye opening and informative! It shows how the past influences the present and tells us the potential for a better future because of Hope. Childhood development is way more important than I realized.

  5. 5 out of 5

    Ariel

    This book quite literally changed my life. I had to read this book for a psychology class in college and I’m so thankful!! This is the closest thing to pretty much free counseling. It really opened my eyes to my inner workings and helped me come to see and work through a lot of hurt from my past. Highly recommend!

  6. 4 out of 5

    cindy meeks

    Good book I liked this book as it gave an assessment you can do yourself and then step by step of how to change how you relate to others. It talked about examples of each type in each step

  7. 4 out of 5

    Krystal

    This book had a lot of good information. I like that it gave stories and examples of the various relationship types and how they handle conflict. It broke them down then gave advice on how to improve your communication based on your relationship style.

  8. 5 out of 5

    Greg

    Simple concepts and clearly explained, really insightful for a newbie to psychology. It was written perfectly for this kind of audience and will be able to take the ideas and most importantly apply them.

  9. 5 out of 5

    Josh Soule

    An excellent read. Very enlightening. And a rare, much-needed christian perspective on psychology. As an educator and a parent, I found this very valuable. It helped me analyze myself, and better understand those around me. A must read!

  10. 4 out of 5

    Christopher Petty

    This book would be helpful for anyone with a strong faith in God, who is struggling to figure out why they have relationship trouble.

  11. 5 out of 5

    Sage

    Not a bad book, just wasn’t what I was looking for to read at this time.

  12. 4 out of 5

    Alec Lifschultz III

    This isn't just another "point a finger at yourself" book. Tim Clinton gives you the tools to overcome self defeating beahavior. This isn't just another "point a finger at yourself" book. Tim Clinton gives you the tools to overcome self defeating beahavior.

  13. 5 out of 5

    James Creasman

    One of the best psychological / relational / personal growth books I have read.

  14. 4 out of 5

    Laura

    This is a book about relationship styles from a Christian perspective. It is filled with research and statistics, which I appreciate. This is a really heavy book, especially for someone who had a less than ideal upbringing. The first chapter left me feeling like I had been broken into pieces, but it also forced me to face my past in ways I hadn't been willing to. It was a great spiritual tool for me as I prayed and begged God to root out my issues and a continual reminder that despite my upbringi This is a book about relationship styles from a Christian perspective. It is filled with research and statistics, which I appreciate. This is a really heavy book, especially for someone who had a less than ideal upbringing. The first chapter left me feeling like I had been broken into pieces, but it also forced me to face my past in ways I hadn't been willing to. It was a great spiritual tool for me as I prayed and begged God to root out my issues and a continual reminder that despite my upbringing, I am more secure than I should be according to research and statistics. And despite all the ways I may fail as a parent, God's grace and love is what will shape my child in the end, if he chooses to accept it. A great tool for parents and non-parents alike!

  15. 4 out of 5

    Single & Sound

    really good and inciteful. A 'self help' book (for want of a better phrase) taken from a christian counselling perspective. Once I got beyond trying to identify traits of all my lost loves (bit of a cathartic blame session) I started to do a lot of self examination and trust me - these guys are good! So good, i bought a copy for my then boyfriend who carried it around with him everywhere he went, siezing the opportunity whenever it arose for a quick paragraph fix. If you are serious about healin really good and inciteful. A 'self help' book (for want of a better phrase) taken from a christian counselling perspective. Once I got beyond trying to identify traits of all my lost loves (bit of a cathartic blame session) I started to do a lot of self examination and trust me - these guys are good! So good, i bought a copy for my then boyfriend who carried it around with him everywhere he went, siezing the opportunity whenever it arose for a quick paragraph fix. If you are serious about healing the wounds of the past that stop you from moving forward and cultivating healthy wholesome relationships, then this book is a good read!

  16. 5 out of 5

    Amber

    Reading this book for one of my counseling classes. So far, lots of great information on attachment styles and how to nurture a healthy parent-child relationship so the child grows up to have a secure attachment style. I'm finding this invaluable information since I just gave birth to my first child and want nothing more than for him to have a secure attachment style in all relationships. More to come... Reading this book for one of my counseling classes. So far, lots of great information on attachment styles and how to nurture a healthy parent-child relationship so the child grows up to have a secure attachment style. I'm finding this invaluable information since I just gave birth to my first child and want nothing more than for him to have a secure attachment style in all relationships. More to come...

  17. 4 out of 5

    Bethany

    This book made me laugh, cry, and want to throw it across the room in anger. Reading it is like looking into a mirror that reflects your soul. I learned so much about myself and how I relate to other people. It helped me answer the questions I had about myself and why I act the way I do. I highly recommend it to everyone, especially those who find themselves having trouble relating to other people and maintaining healthy relationships.

  18. 4 out of 5

    Wayne Harvey

    If you want to understand yourself better, read this book. The authors have good insight into human nature, especially that of people who are overwhelmed by their circumstances or by certain people who have influenced them. Their experience counseling such people gives the reader confidence in their conclusions. I'd give the book five stars but it's for a small group of people. They can benefit greatly by reading the book, though. If you want to understand yourself better, read this book. The authors have good insight into human nature, especially that of people who are overwhelmed by their circumstances or by certain people who have influenced them. Their experience counseling such people gives the reader confidence in their conclusions. I'd give the book five stars but it's for a small group of people. They can benefit greatly by reading the book, though.

  19. 5 out of 5

    Katrina Patton

    This book is a great resource for learning about our attachment styles affect our relationships. Having a background in psychology, I had already learned a little about attachment before, but this goes much more into depth about how it affects you later in life. I also appreciated the Christian perspective, as I truly believe that complete healing comes through a relationship with Christ. I would highly recommend this to anyone with relationship difficulties, which is everyone.

  20. 4 out of 5

    Jarrett Clay

    Excellent book! The explanation of my attachment style was spot on. Fascinating to learn why you are the way you are.

  21. 5 out of 5

    Rebecca Jo

    Wow, this book is teaching me a lot about attachment styles in relationships, all relationships. How those attachment styles start, develop, and ultimately identify the unhealthy patterns in the attachment style you have in your relationships. So far, this book is speaking to me on many levels. I'm looking forward to finishing it! Wow, this book is teaching me a lot about attachment styles in relationships, all relationships. How those attachment styles start, develop, and ultimately identify the unhealthy patterns in the attachment style you have in your relationships. So far, this book is speaking to me on many levels. I'm looking forward to finishing it!

  22. 4 out of 5

    Shane Daniels

    Great book with a lot of cool insights on why we do the silly and destructive things we do. Combining Biblical principles with sound insight and lots of practice, the authors really help in seeing your faulty assumptions about yourself, others and God, and how that plays out in your fears, insecurities and problems. Definitely recommend this book!

  23. 5 out of 5

    jERROLD A WILLIAMS

    I was disappointed I was hoping to read and learn some psychological concepts for self development. I felt like I was in a Christian church service though. To solve problems, learn to trust God/Jesus. I probably should have sampled or researched the author before buying, there were too many biblical references in a book I where I wanted information on attachment theory.

  24. 5 out of 5

    Sarah Impett

    I found this book just fascinating to read! I really opened my eyes to how events through generations of families have impacted their offspring. Tim Clinton points out that much of what we do is impacted by how we have chosen to deal with situations, how people have treated us in the past and reasons for misunderstandings in relationships. Worth a read!

  25. 5 out of 5

    Beth

    It has a lot of good info. The scope of the book is so broad, though, that it seems to be a lot of overview instead of really looking in-depth at just marriage relationships or just parent-child relationships. Good though.

  26. 4 out of 5

    LeaAnn

    I finally finished this book which was assigned for a counseling class 2 semesters ago. I think I put off finishing because it requires a very personal look at how I relate to others, especially those I love. Excellent information from a Biblical perspective.

  27. 5 out of 5

    Lynley

    Very good and very helpful. It contained helpful information from psychology, but was also very much based in scripture. Probably a helpful read for any person as they try to pursue healthy relationships with friends, family, and significant others.

  28. 5 out of 5

    Eileen

    An excellent read for anyone interested in discovering why they don't have healthy relationships. The second half of the book describes healing those faulty relationship issues by focusing on God & moving on from there. It was quite the eye opener for me. Very helpful. An excellent read for anyone interested in discovering why they don't have healthy relationships. The second half of the book describes healing those faulty relationship issues by focusing on God & moving on from there. It was quite the eye opener for me. Very helpful.

  29. 4 out of 5

    Megan

    I read this book for my one counseling course for marriage and family counseling and I thought it was a great read. I learned a lot about the different relationship styles and feel I have a good understanding of them.

  30. 4 out of 5

    Kelly Hammerle

    Obtained this through my AACC membership and am expecting it to yield good info.

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