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About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him--which I assumed was wildly out of his control--that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me. And thus Belle Goose falls in love with t About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him--which I assumed was wildly out of his control--that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me. And thus Belle Goose falls in love with the mysterious and sparkly Edwart Mullen in the Harvard Lampoon’s hilarious send-up of Twilight. Pale and klutzy, Belle arrives in Switchblade, Oregon looking for adventure, or at least an undead classmate. She soon discovers Edwart, a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls. After witnessing a number of strange events–Edwart leaves his tater tots untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!–Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. But how can she convince Edwart to bite her and transform her into his eternal bride, especially when he seems to find girls so repulsive? Complete with romance, danger, insufficient parental guardianship, creepy stalker-like behavior, and a vampire prom, Nightlight is the uproarious tale of a vampire-obsessed girl, looking for love in all the wrong places.


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About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him--which I assumed was wildly out of his control--that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me. And thus Belle Goose falls in love with t About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him--which I assumed was wildly out of his control--that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me. And thus Belle Goose falls in love with the mysterious and sparkly Edwart Mullen in the Harvard Lampoon’s hilarious send-up of Twilight. Pale and klutzy, Belle arrives in Switchblade, Oregon looking for adventure, or at least an undead classmate. She soon discovers Edwart, a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls. After witnessing a number of strange events–Edwart leaves his tater tots untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!–Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. But how can she convince Edwart to bite her and transform her into his eternal bride, especially when he seems to find girls so repulsive? Complete with romance, danger, insufficient parental guardianship, creepy stalker-like behavior, and a vampire prom, Nightlight is the uproarious tale of a vampire-obsessed girl, looking for love in all the wrong places.

30 review for Nightlight: A Parody

  1. 5 out of 5

    Sarah705

    Creative Response Belle is my name I've never wanted fame I'm a little different, it's true But so are you! Edwart you are Into your eyes I can see far Your eyes changed to green By me you can be seen You're a vampire, I know Even if it doesn't show You may say you're not But that's not what I thought Until I met Josh Whose windows my dad does wash In the cemetery that day He gave it away A vampire you're not And that means a lot Coming from him Maybe it'll convince Jim Jim is my dad Vampires make him mad He likes to Creative Response Belle is my name I've never wanted fame I'm a little different, it's true But so are you! Edwart you are Into your eyes I can see far Your eyes changed to green By me you can be seen You're a vampire, I know Even if it doesn't show You may say you're not But that's not what I thought Until I met Josh Whose windows my dad does wash In the cemetery that day He gave it away A vampire you're not And that means a lot Coming from him Maybe it'll convince Jim Jim is my dad Vampires make him mad He likes to say That they should stay away So now that I know Edwart's no more than a toe I love him more than ever And he gives me so much pleasure! I may be abnormal But the dress I wore was formal When I went to tell Edwart That my love for him was not short He smiled at me And shouted with glee "LEG CRAMP! LEG CRAMP!" At least he didn't knock down a lamp... Then in a moment of distress He put his arms around my neck And in the most gentle way He kissed me today

  2. 5 out of 5

    Alli

    This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. This was ABSOLUTELY hilarious. This is what everyone was (or should have been) thinking while reading the Twilight books. There are conversations such as this: Belle and her dad before Edwart picks her up: "So, Belle, what's new today?" "Dad," I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his eyes. "I'm in the deepest love that has ever occurred in the history of the world." "Gosh, Belle. When someone asks you, 'what's new?' the correct answer is, 'not much.' Besides, isn't it a little soon t This was ABSOLUTELY hilarious. This is what everyone was (or should have been) thinking while reading the Twilight books. There are conversations such as this: Belle and her dad before Edwart picks her up: "So, Belle, what's new today?" "Dad," I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his eyes. "I'm in the deepest love that has ever occurred in the history of the world." "Gosh, Belle. When someone asks you, 'what's new?' the correct answer is, 'not much.' Besides, isn't it a little soon to cut yourself off from the rest of your peers, depending on your boyfriend to satisfy your social needs as opposed to making friends? Imagine what would happen if something forced him to leave! I'm imagining pages and pages would happen- with nothing but the names of the month written on them!" and I heard a knock on the door and breathed in sharply. How thoughtful of Edwart to knock when he could just as easily break down the door. I opened it expectantly. It was the mailman, grinning at me with that typical Switchblade smile. "Hi," he said. "Nice weather." I shifted awkwardly. I felt comfortable talking about a lot of things, but not the weather. I didn't quite have the terminology down, having skipped the grade in which you learn about various atmospheric conditions. "Yeah-the sun's on today," I guessed tentatively. "Well, you tell your dad I said hello." It was then that I finally understood. He was in love with me. It was all there-the doorbell ringing, the door stading, the showing off with his weather knowledge. Were there no other girls in this town to diffuse the responsibility of being loved? I read bits of this out loud to some friends as I was reading this, any time I found something funny, which would have me reading whole pages, and causing much hysterical laughter.

  3. 4 out of 5

    Manny

    Not quite as terrible as I first thought, but still pretty bad. To give you some idea of what it's like, here's one of the passages I most enjoyed. Belle Goose is talking to her father:"So, Belle, what's new today?" "Dad," I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his eyes. "I'm in the deepest love that has ever occurred in the history of the world." "Gosh, Belle. When someone asks you 'What's new?' the correct answer is 'Not much'. Besides, isn't it a little soon to cut yourself off fr Not quite as terrible as I first thought, but still pretty bad. To give you some idea of what it's like, here's one of the passages I most enjoyed. Belle Goose is talking to her father:"So, Belle, what's new today?" "Dad," I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his eyes. "I'm in the deepest love that has ever occurred in the history of the world." "Gosh, Belle. When someone asks you 'What's new?' the correct answer is 'Not much'. Besides, isn't it a little soon to cut yourself off from the rest of your peers, depending on a boyfriend to satisfy your social needs as opposed to making friends? Imagine what would happen if something forced that boy to leave! I'm imagining pages and pages would happen - with nothing but the names of the months on them." "If Edwart ever left, I'd find some other monster to hang out with. You know I have no social skills," I said. "I guess I'm like my dad in that way." I wasn't usually this emotional with him, and it felt good.Unfortunately, most of it isn't nearly as subtle and clever as that.

  4. 4 out of 5

    chucklesthescot

    Utter shite to put it bluntly. I could write something funnier. Here is an example of the side-splitting humour... She had brown bushy hair in a ponytail that was more like a squirrel tail in the context of her beady squirrel eyes.I thought I recognised her from somewhere, but I couldn't place it. 'Hi.' she said. 'I think I'm in all your classes.' So that's why I recognised her. She reminded me of a squirrel I hung out with in Phoenix.' Well har de har, excuse me while I piss myself with laughter. Utter shite to put it bluntly. I could write something funnier. Here is an example of the side-splitting humour... She had brown bushy hair in a ponytail that was more like a squirrel tail in the context of her beady squirrel eyes.I thought I recognised her from somewhere, but I couldn't place it. 'Hi.' she said. 'I think I'm in all your classes.' So that's why I recognised her. She reminded me of a squirrel I hung out with in Phoenix.' Well har de har, excuse me while I piss myself with laughter. This was dreadful drivel that should be used as bog roll. If I could give it a minus star I'd give it minus one million. Pure cack.

  5. 5 out of 5

    Vinaya

    I wiped the chemical dust off my clothes and sat down. Without looking at Edwart, I pulled out my textbook and notepad. Then, without looking at Edwart, I looked at the board and wrote down the terms Mr. Franklin had written. I don’t think other people in my situation could do quite so many things without looking at Edwart. When the bell rang I stole another glance at him and shrank into a deeper sense of worthlessness. He was now staring furiously up at the bell, shaking all the muscles in his f I wiped the chemical dust off my clothes and sat down. Without looking at Edwart, I pulled out my textbook and notepad. Then, without looking at Edwart, I looked at the board and wrote down the terms Mr. Franklin had written. I don’t think other people in my situation could do quite so many things without looking at Edwart. When the bell rang I stole another glance at him and shrank into a deeper sense of worthlessness. He was now staring furiously up at the bell, shaking all the muscles in his fist at it, glowering at it with his dark, heated eyes and loathing lashes. He clenched his hair in exasperation, clinging to the tussled tufts as he raised his head to the ceiling. Then he slowly turned to me. Looking into his eyes I felt waves of electricity, currents of electrons charging towards me. Was this how it felt to be in love, I wondered, for robots? Caught in his ionized hypnosis, the old adage came to mind:Beautiful enough to kill, gut, stuff, and frame above your fireplace. Belle Goose is a catastrophically clumsy, scarily narcissistic teenager who has just moved to Switchblade to live with her father, a window-wiper, since her stepfather is going on tour with his street hockey team around Phoenix, and there may be no space for Belle to live in his car. Belle has a fascination with vampires, she believes her true love is destined to be one. When she spots the strange, lonely, barely-coherent Edwart Mullen in her new high school's cafeteria, she knows she's found her soul mate. Nightlight is funny, mostly. From the cover to the last page, this book is one large fart joke aimed at Twilight, and you can't help but find it hilarious. However, it gets a little old after a while. This is not a very long book, but after the first fifty pages of taking digs at Meyer's masterpiece, it begins to get repetitive. This is one of the main reasons I like satires better than spoofs. At least satires have a plot and actual characters. This is like a joke book - after the first fifty jokes, you want a break. There are some parts where the jokes are really funny, even subtle, and those made me laugh. However, you can pretty much tell from the preponderance of snot and body odor jokes that this was written by a bunch of smart-but-nerdy undergrads. Of course the end message, about judging by appearances, about building relationships on false illusions, about learning to love a person instead of an ideal, is one that every YA author ought to take home- "We looked at each other and laughed a little because, hey, relationships take work, and communication." All in all, it's a quick entertaining read, but if you're expecting subtlety, class or major wit in your spoof, you're likely to be disappointed.

  6. 5 out of 5

    Gemma

    It's hardly ground-breaking, but I'm giving it four stars on the sheer enjoyment factor. I'm actually a fan of the Twilight books, but I get that Stephenie Meyer is no Shakespeare and this series is hardly world class literature. Twilight's gotten so huge it was only a matter of time before someone sent it up, so I was eager to see what a bunch of nerds from Harvard did to it. Belle Goose is an exaggerated piss take of Bella. She's self obsessed, and believes everyone else to be obsessed with her It's hardly ground-breaking, but I'm giving it four stars on the sheer enjoyment factor. I'm actually a fan of the Twilight books, but I get that Stephenie Meyer is no Shakespeare and this series is hardly world class literature. Twilight's gotten so huge it was only a matter of time before someone sent it up, so I was eager to see what a bunch of nerds from Harvard did to it. Belle Goose is an exaggerated piss take of Bella. She's self obsessed, and believes everyone else to be obsessed with her. Hmm... :L The lovely Edwart is a girl phobic, Sega hating computer nerd who Belle falls for. I laughed out loud a lot during this book, but it felt as if it was a random collection of sentences lots of different people wrote. Very confusing. I was expecting more of a 'Pride & Prejudice & Zombies' type thing, more of an exposé on all of the cheesy moments that make up Twilight, but it doesn't matter since the whole thing is the most non-serious thing I've ever read. =) Whether you like Twilight or believe Stephenie Meyer is the human form of Satan, Nightlight should bring you together through humour. A must-read. (:

  7. 4 out of 5

    Miffy

    I love how people try to justify their bad reviews for this book by continuously stating that they do not like Twilight and that they are in fact true lovers of a parody. I really liked this book. But anything that takes piss out of this universal tragedy is a win. Some of the reviews here stated that the parody was 'too exaggerated,' 'overly obvious' etc. but I found it to be delightfully subtle; where minor details or single words effectively pinpoint the craptastic wonder of smeyer. There wer I love how people try to justify their bad reviews for this book by continuously stating that they do not like Twilight and that they are in fact true lovers of a parody. I really liked this book. But anything that takes piss out of this universal tragedy is a win. Some of the reviews here stated that the parody was 'too exaggerated,' 'overly obvious' etc. but I found it to be delightfully subtle; where minor details or single words effectively pinpoint the craptastic wonder of smeyer. There were some negatives about the parody. First was that my interest fluctuated throughout (I would be engaged one minute and then unattached the next). Second, it simply didn't hit hard enough. It was too soft on the twihards and the rest of the population in forcing them to realise that the this supposed 'best novel of all times' has the dead (and living) writhing in their graves. However the major con was the reader's realisation that a parody should never be better written (with a better plot and character development) than its original. Makes you lose hope for a little while... Will stop twi bashing now. Here is a widget that perfectly shows off smeyers pointless drivel of descriptions. "I typed in a single word: Vampre. Google asked, "Did you mean 'vampire?'" I said, "Yes."

  8. 4 out of 5

    Reading Teen

    Okay, so let me start with the fact that, yes, as shocking as it may be, I have read Twilight. So, after reading my review of this awesomely genius book, you can't use the excuse of, "You haven't read it, you don't understand!" I have read it. So, to all you Twilight fans, (And possible Harry Potter haters) I mean no disrespect in the following review. Your opinion is your own, and you are entitled to it. TWILIGHT IS A HORRIBLE SERIES OF BOOKS. Sorry. I had to let it out. So, now that you know my Okay, so let me start with the fact that, yes, as shocking as it may be, I have read Twilight. So, after reading my review of this awesomely genius book, you can't use the excuse of, "You haven't read it, you don't understand!" I have read it. So, to all you Twilight fans, (And possible Harry Potter haters) I mean no disrespect in the following review. Your opinion is your own, and you are entitled to it. TWILIGHT IS A HORRIBLE SERIES OF BOOKS. Sorry. I had to let it out. So, now that you know my opinion of these books, you will understand my excitement when I discovered this book. There I was, rifling through a pile of books at a second hand book sale, and I stumbled across this wonderfully cool book. And let me tell you, it is... wonderfully cool. Alright, confession time. This isn't exactly my book. Abigaile, my sister, is the one who found and bought this book. So, my above statement is quite false. One day, I successfully stole it from her bedroom and, when she asked about it, convinced her that she had simply misplaced it. And, she believed me. Which was pretty surprising. Nightlight was an excellent parody to a not-so-awesome book. Belle Goose is actually really similar to the character Bella Swan. Pretty much everything Belle says in the book is just what Bella says at that moment in different words. It's completly hilarious to read and realize that this author is trying to make fun of this book when in reality he's just putting this book into different words, changing some plot details, and there you have it. A friggen' funny book. If you have read Twilight, watched the movies or know any thing at all about this sparkly-phenomanon, you will most likely love this book. Now, for you Twilight lovers out there, I honestly can't say. If you are the laid-back type of fan, it's a possibility that you will find this quite humorous. If you are a hard-core, Team-Edward/Team-Jacob kill-a-member-of-team-that-isn't-the-one-you-like type of fan (who is also easily offended) there might be a possible chance that you might not like this book, maybe. So... if you are one of those fans and you read this book and you hate it, I, Austin, am not responsible for this. So, you cannot do horribly awful things to me. Because Twilight may have sparkly vampiers, shirtless werewolves, and creepy human-vampier hybrids who age insanely fast, but us non-Muggles have wands, man-horses, cloaks that make you invisible, and Emma Watson. Edwart is right. Nintendo is better then Atari. Austin http://ReadingTeen.net/

  9. 4 out of 5

    Crystal

    A little too slapstick for my tastes and some jokes didn't make much sense to me A little too slapstick for my tastes and some jokes didn't make much sense to me

  10. 5 out of 5

    Darce

    hilarious, makes fun of Twilight every two sentences (a.k.a. the book version of me and my friends) and just outright ridiculous. was it good writing? nope. it also wasn't that interesting or captivating. but it was HELLA funny. legitimately laugh out loud material (i refuse to write LOL in a review). great fun! hilarious, makes fun of Twilight every two sentences (a.k.a. the book version of me and my friends) and just outright ridiculous. was it good writing? nope. it also wasn't that interesting or captivating. but it was HELLA funny. legitimately laugh out loud material (i refuse to write LOL in a review). great fun!

  11. 5 out of 5

    Tatiana

    This was a Christmas gift from my brother. He bought it for me because he “couldn’t remember which of those Twilight books you had already.” So sweet. And it’s a fitting gift from someone who only watches comedy and whose favorite TV show is “SNL.” Nightlight is a parody—you guessed it— of the first book in the Twilight series. It stars Belle Goose, who wants to be ‘turned’ and convinces herself that Edwart Mullen is actually a vampire who is thirsting for her blood and refuses to believe him wh This was a Christmas gift from my brother. He bought it for me because he “couldn’t remember which of those Twilight books you had already.” So sweet. And it’s a fitting gift from someone who only watches comedy and whose favorite TV show is “SNL.” Nightlight is a parody—you guessed it— of the first book in the Twilight series. It stars Belle Goose, who wants to be ‘turned’ and convinces herself that Edwart Mullen is actually a vampire who is thirsting for her blood and refuses to believe him when he tells her that he’s just a shy computer nerd/storm chaser/android builder. Misunderstandings and ridiculously narcissistic, strangely observant dialogue ensue. When Belle meets a real vampire, she must decide if the lifestyle is everything she’s fantasized it to be. (Twi-hards everywhere, take note: Belle Goose is a representation of you.) Some of my favorite moments: “Belle,” he said. “It’s time to go.” “Already?” “It’s been five hours. We’ve been lying on the grass staring at each other for five hours. Please…I really need to get home.” -- It seemed out of place, coming from a girl in a sleeveless, lacy top and bell-bottom jeans (stars on the back pockets). But I was that kind of girl—out of place. Then I shifted from that place on the dashboard to a normal position in the seat. Much better. -- I typed in a single word: Vampre. Google asked, “Did you mean ‘vampire?’” I said, “yes.” -- “So, Belle, what’s new today?” “Dad,” I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his eyes. “I’m in the deepest love that has ever occurred in the history of the world.” “Gosh, Belle. When someone asks you, ‘What’s new?’ the correct answer is, ‘not much.’” This book was at its best when it directly satirized Twilight; the comedy got a little too Eggbert when it went on its own tangents. Need less to say, it would probably be most entertaining to those who have already read Stephenie Meyer’s series. It was dorky and stupid and really great fun. A quick, hilarious read. (Thank you again, S!)

  12. 5 out of 5

    Heather

    This book was probably written by a bunch of drunk Lampoon employees at 2am. Then again, the book it's parodying reads like it was written in about 45 minutes by an unpopular 16-year-old girl who is dying to be part of the 'cool' crowd, so I suppose the authors got it bang-on with Nightlight. The reviews here panning this book make me laugh. Well, Twitheads in general make me laugh. Anyway, this book is suppose to be bad. It's suppose to make you groan and roll your eyes as you read it. You know This book was probably written by a bunch of drunk Lampoon employees at 2am. Then again, the book it's parodying reads like it was written in about 45 minutes by an unpopular 16-year-old girl who is dying to be part of the 'cool' crowd, so I suppose the authors got it bang-on with Nightlight. The reviews here panning this book make me laugh. Well, Twitheads in general make me laugh. Anyway, this book is suppose to be bad. It's suppose to make you groan and roll your eyes as you read it. You know why? Because Twilight is bad. It's very, very bad. It's poorly written (does the term 'thesaurus rapist' mean anything to you?), it's poorly plotted, and worst of all, it's rife with misogynistic innuendo. It's basically a how-to guide for creating and maintaining an abusive and co-dependent relationship in adolescence. Nightlight has hit the nail right on the head. Or driven the stake right through the heart. Oh, wait, I forgot! Vampires don't die from that anymore.

  13. 4 out of 5

    Cyna

    By far the more popular and more widely-available Twilight parody novel on the market, Nightlight was a huge disappointment. For a book written by the Harvard Lampoon - you know, IVY LEAGUE HUMOR PEOPLE - it's painfully dumb. Painfully. Perhaps it was my mistake for expecting something, I dunnno, more from them, but I went in to Nightlight hoping for some kind of relevant, witty commentary on Twilight's failures as a book. You know, jokes about the faults of its characters, the absurdities of th By far the more popular and more widely-available Twilight parody novel on the market, Nightlight was a huge disappointment. For a book written by the Harvard Lampoon - you know, IVY LEAGUE HUMOR PEOPLE - it's painfully dumb. Painfully. Perhaps it was my mistake for expecting something, I dunnno, more from them, but I went in to Nightlight hoping for some kind of relevant, witty commentary on Twilight's failures as a book. You know, jokes about the faults of its characters, the absurdities of the storyline, or lack there of. I expected something smart. In reality, the level of humor here can be accurately surmised by the monikers the Lampoon has bestowed on its lead characters. If you think Belle Goose and Edwart Mullen are downright HILARIOUS variations of Edward and Bella's names, then you may possibly find Nightlight funny. If, however, your reaction was closer to "Really? Is that the best you could come up with? Was that like...funny to you guys?" then you'd probably be better off avoiding it. It's a shame, too, because there were some amusing concepts and ideas presented in Nightlight that suffered terribly from skewed development. The idea is that Belle is delusional - she convinces herself that Edwart, your everyday unremarkable nerd, is a vampire because she wants him to be. Vampire boyfriends are cool, man, so she actively shoehorns him into that mold. Belle sees supernatural attributes where there clearly are none, and at points goes so far as to instruct Edwart in how to behave more like a vampire would. For example, she orders him to be more possessive and controlling of her - despite Edwart's obvious discomfort with it - because that's how vampires treat their girlfriends in the movies, hurhur. It's more a parody of the fangirl mentality than of Twilight itself, which could have worked fine, if more effort and intelligence had been put into it. Instead, aside from one or two amusing bits in the beginning re: Bella's mom, the Lampoon settles for nerd jokes and pratfalls rather than any meaningful satire. It's mind-boggling as to why, with a series as rife for parody as Twilight, the writers chose to take the delusional fangirl schtick and run it into the ground. If it weren't for the way the book mocks Stephenie Meyer's writing style, I'd wonder if the writers had even read Twilight at all, or if they'd simply settled for gathering their material from what they'd seen on tv and heard from their girlfriends and younger sisters. We get no kind of love triangle parody at all, which is absolutely absurd to me considering how much of Twilight, as a series, is devoted to that triangle, but how could we when there's not even a Jacob-equivalent character, if you can believe that. We really get no commentary on Bella's characterization except for her clumsiness, which is played often and loudly like she's a lost member of the Three Stooges, nor do we get any real parody of the increasingly ridiculous plot points throughout the Twilight series. Instead, at the last minute we get a random twist that involves Belle dating an actual vampire for a chapter or two, where she discovers the moral of the story: that dating an immortal asshole probably isn't all it's cracked up to be. Again, it's a nice idea, but aside from presenting said thesis in the most obvious way possible, that twist completely fizzles out and goes nowhere. Hell, even the Vampire Prom at the end - literally, a separate prom for vampires, probably the only joke that does garner a chuckle simply by existing - is wasted because they do nothing with it. It's just there. And for some reason, the authors have decided that things just being there is enough of a reason to laugh. And it's really not. Nightlight's saving grace is its brevity. At 150 pages, it's something you can breeze through in an hour, if you really feel like sticking with it that long. Personally, I'd say don't even bother with it at all.

  14. 5 out of 5

    Laura

    "It was then that I saw him. He was sitting at a table all by himself, not even eating. He had an entire tray of baked potatoes in front of him and still he did not touch a single one. How could a human have his pick of baked potatoes and resist them all? Even odder, he hadn't noticed me, Belle Goose, future Academy Award winner." As a recovering Twilighter- wait, scratch that- as someone who can now see the Twilight series for what it really is- A very badly written hodge-podge of everything an "It was then that I saw him. He was sitting at a table all by himself, not even eating. He had an entire tray of baked potatoes in front of him and still he did not touch a single one. How could a human have his pick of baked potatoes and resist them all? Even odder, he hadn't noticed me, Belle Goose, future Academy Award winner." As a recovering Twilighter- wait, scratch that- as someone who can now see the Twilight series for what it really is- A very badly written hodge-podge of everything an untalented "writer" ever read about vampires in OTHER AUTHORS' books, coupled with any Poor-Me-Teenage-Girl question and answer column out of Seventeen magazine, that took 4 books and half a million pages for something to happen and then it SUCKED- I needed to read this book. I cried, I screamed, I beat my fists against my pillow- and it was all because I was laughing so freaking hard I thought someone might mistakeningly commit me. It's absolutely ridiculous, stupid, disgusting and genius. I love how the description of Edwart's hair changed every time he was around. In this book we have Belle, a most loathsome character, just like Bella in Twilight. In Twilight Bella is pretty much unlovable and you really want to smack her but you can't quite put your finger on why- in Nightlight the reasons are painfully obvious. 154 pages, you can read it in a minute, just don't read it in public- you might get locked up.

  15. 5 out of 5

    Julia

    It was bad and hilarious. Here a few examples: 1. "I typed in a single word: Vampre. Google asked , "Did you mean "vampire"?" I said "yes"." 2. "About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soulmate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him (which I assumed was wildly out of his control) that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, whished he had kissed me." 3. "I should have known he wasn't a It was bad and hilarious. Here a few examples: 1. "I typed in a single word: Vampre. Google asked , "Did you mean "vampire"?" I said "yes"." 2. "About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soulmate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him (which I assumed was wildly out of his control) that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, whished he had kissed me." 3. "I should have known he wasn't a vampire. He failed to meet the three telltale criteria for vampirism: speaking in an old-timey way, being pompous, and having sparkly skin." I had to laugh out loud a few times but still, the original "work" is Twilight so there is no way this could get more stars from me.

  16. 4 out of 5

    Savannah (Books With Bite)

    Now this book had me in laughing fits! "About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him-- which I assumed was wildly out of his control--that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me." I picked up this book looking for a great laugh and boy did I get it. We meet Belle Goose, who leaves her mother and her ne Now this book had me in laughing fits! "About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him-- which I assumed was wildly out of his control--that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me." I picked up this book looking for a great laugh and boy did I get it. We meet Belle Goose, who leaves her mother and her new stepdad Bill to move to Switchblade,Oregon with her father Jim. Who by was is a window-wiper. LOL. She goes to school and meets Edwart Mullen who is completely oblivious to Belle. He doesn't even like her. Belle falls a lot and into big things. She drives a U-HAUL truck to school taking up two parking spaces! I totally want to say more but I am afraid I will ruined it for those who want to read it. This book is a great read. It kept me laughing all day. My favorite part was when Belle added information to the wiki search she did on vampires: "Then I thought, why don't I share my knowledge with the world? I sat back down at the computer and went to the vampire Wikipedia page. I added a sentence to the article: "Edwart Mullen of Switchblade, Oregon, is a vampire, but don't kill him because I love him!" Then I added a picture of Edwart's abs." LOL! Seriously? Also it's a small book. It didn't take me more than an hour to read. As I did chores throughout the house, I kept thinking about what happen in the book and I would crack up. At one point, my husband found me laughing over the kitchen sink doing dishes and asked me "whats so funny" and I couldn't tell him because I couldn't breathe! He just shook his head at me and walked away. If your a fan of the Twilight series, this is a book you will enjoy.

  17. 5 out of 5

    Ashley

    If you are a true "Twilight Saga" fan, then this book you will definitely add to your personal bookshelf. Pros: With my weird sense of humor, I found this book to be absolutely comical. I laughed practically every other line, due to it's non-sensical-ness of the whole thing. This book displays some pretty funny truths of the "Twilight Saga", and in such a manner you can't do anything but agree. Fortunately, there IS some character development later in the book, and in the last chapter or so it br If you are a true "Twilight Saga" fan, then this book you will definitely add to your personal bookshelf. Pros: With my weird sense of humor, I found this book to be absolutely comical. I laughed practically every other line, due to it's non-sensical-ness of the whole thing. This book displays some pretty funny truths of the "Twilight Saga", and in such a manner you can't do anything but agree. Fortunately, there IS some character development later in the book, and in the last chapter or so it breaks away from the "Twilight" plot to come to it's own conclusion. This book also references other books, which I also found to be pretty humorous (maybe [HOPEFULLY:] they will add more parodies of this saga in the future?). Cons: As some reviewers have pointed out, this book can seem repetitive in it's writing style. Also, if you REALLY don't know the series (A.K.A you've only read through the series once, or you've only seen the movies), then this book will be downright confusing, weird, and not funny at all. Also, it's humor style is VERY random and different, so unless you can laugh at little things, it won't seem very funny at all. Judgement: If you have a "laugh-at-everything" sense of humor, are reading this book for pure enjoyment, and LOVE the Twilight Saga for what it really is (no, not the fangirl kind of love), then you will absolutely enjoy this book. 4/5 stars!

  18. 5 out of 5

    Fangirl Musings

    Kick ass to the extreme! The Twilight "saga" sucks...and here's proof! By far, this parody was the single most comical, entertaining novella I've read in ages. In addition to the fact that it was written by the Harvard Lampoon, and is thus a tiny bit of demonstrative proof that smart people realize Meyer's Twilight book series is wretched literature, the comedy was very well done. Every negative aspect to the original series was addressed; the plot holes the size of China, the vomit inducing emo Kick ass to the extreme! The Twilight "saga" sucks...and here's proof! By far, this parody was the single most comical, entertaining novella I've read in ages. In addition to the fact that it was written by the Harvard Lampoon, and is thus a tiny bit of demonstrative proof that smart people realize Meyer's Twilight book series is wretched literature, the comedy was very well done. Every negative aspect to the original series was addressed; the plot holes the size of China, the vomit inducing emotional hyperbole, the transparently awful character creations, the lack of a cohesive, believable storyline, the plethora of grammatical errors, the overt evisceration of vampire lore, the death of originality...I could continue, but for the sake of wrapping up this run-on sentence, I'll refrain. Overall, Nightlight delivered a resounding triumph in giving me, the reader and avid Twilight hater, exactly what I wanted. I couldn't have asked for a better piece of humorous fiction even if I had it special ordered!

  19. 4 out of 5

    Christina

    "You seem exhausted," Edwart said as we got in in the car. "Yeah, I couldn't sleep that well last night." "Neither could I," he said as we sped off. "Yeah, those night leeches are becoming a major concern, aren't they." "Oh, Belle," he laughed softly, "When you talk like that, I become afraid, and if you continue to do so, I will feel compelled to tell the authorities." His laugh was like the jingle of a thousand many sirens. It's around this moment (60 pages in) that Nightlight first made me laugh, "You seem exhausted," Edwart said as we got in in the car. "Yeah, I couldn't sleep that well last night." "Neither could I," he said as we sped off. "Yeah, those night leeches are becoming a major concern, aren't they." "Oh, Belle," he laughed softly, "When you talk like that, I become afraid, and if you continue to do so, I will feel compelled to tell the authorities." His laugh was like the jingle of a thousand many sirens. It's around this moment (60 pages in) that Nightlight first made me laugh, and only because I realised this is possibly the STUPIDEST book I have EVER read. I did learn some valuable life lessons though. E.g. If a guy gnashes his teeth and knits his brows together in a broody, furious expression at you, it means he has found his soulmate. Good to know.

  20. 4 out of 5

    Rosalie Lightwood Schreave

    So obscurely funny. It just made all the jokes about twilight that I had thought and then exaggerated them and it was very enjoyable. I think this would be a good book for twilight fans (as long as they can handle the saga being made fun of 😂) and haters. There were many times where I would just chuckle at the weirdness and others where it was genuinely funny. Really enjoyed it!

  21. 5 out of 5

    Beaulah Pragg

    Humm.... this parody has the distinct flavour of one who was trying too hard. I found myself giggling at a rare moment of accidental humor, but the rest of the way was pretty hard going. Honestly, I think the authors sacrificed all attempts at coherence and plot for bizzare and often nonsensical gags. Edwart was probably the cutest character, with his nervous, geeky attempts at fulfilling Belle's yearning for a domineering 'dangerous' boyfriend. He honestly tried so hard... Which inevitably led Humm.... this parody has the distinct flavour of one who was trying too hard. I found myself giggling at a rare moment of accidental humor, but the rest of the way was pretty hard going. Honestly, I think the authors sacrificed all attempts at coherence and plot for bizzare and often nonsensical gags. Edwart was probably the cutest character, with his nervous, geeky attempts at fulfilling Belle's yearning for a domineering 'dangerous' boyfriend. He honestly tried so hard... Which inevitably led me to hating Belle. She was self-centred, deluded and incredibly annoying. What can I say? This 'parody' fell a bit flat except for the adorable, hilarious and oh so tragic character of dear Edwart. If they had just simplified and stuck with the idea of a girl who is addicted to the twilight series deciding that a boy in her class is a vampire, based on the 'obvious' signs, and then pursuing him relentlessly - and him trying so hard to please her because a girl has never been interested in him before... it would have been perfect. Get rid of all the try-hard humor that doesn't stick and parody the readers themselves. Who wouldn't want to read about a twilight-addicted school girl who thinks the class nerd is a vampire?

  22. 4 out of 5

    Adarlan's Assassin

    My gods . . . what can I even say about this book?!?

  23. 5 out of 5

    Jocelyn

    Silly and ridiculous? Check Preposterous? Yes An exaggerated mockery on one of my fave reads? Of course WHO CARES? I spend every minute laughing. . Sometimes you have to throw away some seriousness and enjoy things that seems nonsensical to others and just be free and crazy once in a while. For me, it was kind of relaxing in a way, And I think PARODIES are meant to be like this, ludicrous and outrageous as it is, but for me, it has served it's purpose, it definitely entertained me. Silly and ridiculous? Check Preposterous? Yes An exaggerated mockery on one of my fave reads? Of course WHO CARES? I spend every minute laughing. . Sometimes you have to throw away some seriousness and enjoy things that seems nonsensical to others and just be free and crazy once in a while. For me, it was kind of relaxing in a way, And I think PARODIES are meant to be like this, ludicrous and outrageous as it is, but for me, it has served it's purpose, it definitely entertained me.

  24. 4 out of 5

    Cathy Wu

    what the fresh fuck did i just read. literally wanted to gouge my eyes out. i would rather read the entire twilight series than this and thats saying something

  25. 4 out of 5

    n ❀

    there's "parody" and then there's "a waste of paper." i'd rather take twilight over this and i HATE twilight. give us something so we know you put in even a little effort in. i didn’t laugh once & im really fucking disappointed you guys there's "parody" and then there's "a waste of paper." i'd rather take twilight over this and i HATE twilight. give us something so we know you put in even a little effort in. i didn’t laugh once & im really fucking disappointed you guys

  26. 5 out of 5

    Rhonda

    *giggles* This is the tale of Belle Goose, a clumsy, self-important, day-dreaming girl from Arizona who moves to Switchblade, Oregon and falls for a brooding loner named Edwart Mullen. A vampire. Or is he?! There were several times that this book made me laugh out loud. The endless description of how clumsy Belle is. The extremely negligent parenting. But her inner-monologue was my favorite. She constantly assumed that every boy wanted her, that everyone was talking about her or wanting to be her *giggles* This is the tale of Belle Goose, a clumsy, self-important, day-dreaming girl from Arizona who moves to Switchblade, Oregon and falls for a brooding loner named Edwart Mullen. A vampire. Or is he?! There were several times that this book made me laugh out loud. The endless description of how clumsy Belle is. The extremely negligent parenting. But her inner-monologue was my favorite. She constantly assumed that every boy wanted her, that everyone was talking about her or wanting to be her or wishing she would talk to them. The self-centeredness was, ok not a spot-on parody, but it certainly made me snicker & nod my head & think, "see how ridiculous you are Bella?" (Yes, Bella not Belle!) Here's my absolute favorite paragraph of the book, which illustrates probably my most hated moment from Twilight...or New Moon or whichever one it was from. It also captures the underlying theme of "I'm nothing without my man" that irked me so terribly about the whole series! "...isn't it a little soon to cut yourself off from the rest of your peers, depending on a boyfriend to satisfy your social needs as opposed to making friends? Imagine what would happen if something forced that boy to leave! I'm imagining pages and pages would happen - with nothing but the names of the month on them." It's comforting to know that Belle, for all her wackiness, makes the right choice in the end. :)

  27. 4 out of 5

    Mary Stevens

    To all you Twilight-haters out there, get ready for the best parody since "Epic Movie." When Belle Goose moves to Switchblade, Oregon, she only expects one thing: to fall in love with a vampire and have him turn her into his immortal bride. So it's no surprise that, on her first day of school, she automatically suspects nonother than a Mr. Edwart Mullen to be her perfect match. After several incidents where Belle supposedly "roleplays," she finally realizes that he is not indeed a vampire... Wit To all you Twilight-haters out there, get ready for the best parody since "Epic Movie." When Belle Goose moves to Switchblade, Oregon, she only expects one thing: to fall in love with a vampire and have him turn her into his immortal bride. So it's no surprise that, on her first day of school, she automatically suspects nonother than a Mr. Edwart Mullen to be her perfect match. After several incidents where Belle supposedly "roleplays," she finally realizes that he is not indeed a vampire... With the help of a REAL vampire named Josh. But after a distater of a prom, she realizes that she will only ever love Edwart. The book ends with them somewhat kissing, and leaving all Twihards sobbing into their hands. Me, on the other hand, laughed my butt off through the whole thing. I thought that it was well-written for a comedy, and had basically the same plotline Twilight. To me and my friends, we believed it was entirely the same (But more funny.) than Twilight. (Remember, this book is about 150 pages. Twilight is almost 500.) I believe that those geeks at Harvard finally did good in this world, and managed to create the best Twilight parody other than "Vampires Suck." My suggestion: Read it before 2012.

  28. 5 out of 5

    Erin

    So, a Twilight parody? Should be funny, right? And it was funny...just not as funny as I thought it would be. A good parody is supposed to be ridiculous, and this certainly was, but at times I just didn't get the stupidity. Still, worth reading if you are a Twilight fan who is willing to laugh a little at the series. Some of my favorite quotes: "About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him -- which I assumed So, a Twilight parody? Should be funny, right? And it was funny...just not as funny as I thought it would be. A good parody is supposed to be ridiculous, and this certainly was, but at times I just didn't get the stupidity. Still, worth reading if you are a Twilight fan who is willing to laugh a little at the series. Some of my favorite quotes: "About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him -- which I assumed was wildly out of his control -- that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he has kissed me." "I imagined what I would be like after the transformation took place. I could probably wear leggings as pants every day, and no one would say anything because they would be afraid I'd bite them." "I should have known he wasn't a vampire. He failed to meet the three telltale criteria for vampirism: speaking in an old-timey way, being pompous, and having sparkly skin."

  29. 5 out of 5

    • A R I • on semi-hiatus again •

    "AHHH FOOT CRAMP FOOT CRAMP!" This book was so funny and although I wasn't expecting it the romance was pretty cute. I loved the character names, 'Belle Goose' and 'Edwart Mullen' like how funny! Belle was such a narcissist sdhdb and it made it hilarious! Anytime I thought about a scene from this book it was just: If you liked this try reading: -Harry Potter and the Portrait of what Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash -Strange Planet "AHHH FOOT CRAMP FOOT CRAMP!" This book was so funny and although I wasn't expecting it the romance was pretty cute. I loved the character names, 'Belle Goose' and 'Edwart Mullen' like how funny! Belle was such a narcissist sdhdb and it made it hilarious! Anytime I thought about a scene from this book it was just: If you liked this try reading: -Harry Potter and the Portrait of what Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash -Strange Planet

  30. 5 out of 5

    Mrs. Allen 107 (The Kansan Reader)

    Okay, I should have known what I have gotten into when I saw the words parody and lampoon. But wow. If any of you have seen parody movies, guess what? This book is like those. Just cringe. I feel like it was the Wayans brothers wrote this. I thought to give it the benefit of the doubt but I was wrong. I can’t get past page 9. If you made it through this book, kudos to you. I felt all my brain cells cringe just reading this. It looked familiar. Four walls and a ceiling, just like my old room in Pho Okay, I should have known what I have gotten into when I saw the words parody and lampoon. But wow. If any of you have seen parody movies, guess what? This book is like those. Just cringe. I feel like it was the Wayans brothers wrote this. I thought to give it the benefit of the doubt but I was wrong. I can’t get past page 9. If you made it through this book, kudos to you. I felt all my brain cells cringe just reading this. It looked familiar. Four walls and a ceiling, just like my old room in Phoenix! Yes, that is a direct quote. Pretty horrible. Plus this was one of the funny quotes. I think I will stay away from parodies.

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