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Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies: And Other Rituals to Fix Your Life, from Someone Who's Been There

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Brutally honest, often hilarious, hard-won lessons in learning to love and care for yourself from a young vice president at Comedy Central who was called “ahead of her time” by Jordan Peele. By the time she was in her late twenties, Tara Schuster was a rising TV executive who had worked for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and helped launch Key & Peele to viral superstardom. Brutally honest, often hilarious, hard-won lessons in learning to love and care for yourself from a young vice president at Comedy Central who was called “ahead of her time” by Jordan Peele. By the time she was in her late twenties, Tara Schuster was a rising TV executive who had worked for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and helped launch Key & Peele to viral superstardom. By all appearances, she had mastered being a grown-up. But beneath that veneer of success, she was a chronically anxious, self-medicating mess. No one knew that her road to adulthood had been paved with depression, anxiety, and shame, owing in large part to her minimally parented upbringing. She realized she’d hit rock bottom when she drunk-dialed her therapist pleading for help. Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies is the story of Tara’s path to re-parenting herself and becoming a “ninja of self-love.” Through simple, daily rituals, Tara transformed her mind, body, and relationships, and shows how to: • fake gratitude until you actually feel gratitude • excavate your emotional wounds and heal them with kindness • identify your self-limiting beliefs, kick them to the curb, and start living a life you choose • silence your inner frenemy and shield yourself from self-criticism • carve out time each morning to start your day empowered, inspired, and ready to rule • create a life you truly, totally f*cking LOVE This is the book Tara wished someone had given her and it is the book many of us desperately need: a candid, hysterical, addictively readable, practical guide to growing up (no matter where you are in life) and learning to love yourself in a non-throw-up-in-your-mouth-it’s-so-cheesy way.


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Brutally honest, often hilarious, hard-won lessons in learning to love and care for yourself from a young vice president at Comedy Central who was called “ahead of her time” by Jordan Peele. By the time she was in her late twenties, Tara Schuster was a rising TV executive who had worked for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and helped launch Key & Peele to viral superstardom. Brutally honest, often hilarious, hard-won lessons in learning to love and care for yourself from a young vice president at Comedy Central who was called “ahead of her time” by Jordan Peele. By the time she was in her late twenties, Tara Schuster was a rising TV executive who had worked for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and helped launch Key & Peele to viral superstardom. By all appearances, she had mastered being a grown-up. But beneath that veneer of success, she was a chronically anxious, self-medicating mess. No one knew that her road to adulthood had been paved with depression, anxiety, and shame, owing in large part to her minimally parented upbringing. She realized she’d hit rock bottom when she drunk-dialed her therapist pleading for help. Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies is the story of Tara’s path to re-parenting herself and becoming a “ninja of self-love.” Through simple, daily rituals, Tara transformed her mind, body, and relationships, and shows how to: • fake gratitude until you actually feel gratitude • excavate your emotional wounds and heal them with kindness • identify your self-limiting beliefs, kick them to the curb, and start living a life you choose • silence your inner frenemy and shield yourself from self-criticism • carve out time each morning to start your day empowered, inspired, and ready to rule • create a life you truly, totally f*cking LOVE This is the book Tara wished someone had given her and it is the book many of us desperately need: a candid, hysterical, addictively readable, practical guide to growing up (no matter where you are in life) and learning to love yourself in a non-throw-up-in-your-mouth-it’s-so-cheesy way.

30 review for Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies: And Other Rituals to Fix Your Life, from Someone Who's Been There

  1. 5 out of 5

    Theresa Alan

    This is essentially a self-help book by way of memoir. There’s a lot of good stuff in here. It’s always helpful to have a reminder to stop the negative thoughts about yourself—like that you’re a failure because you don’t have a boyfriend/the job you want/you aren’t working out or eating well enough and so on. For some of us, giving ourselves pep talks is not our natural state, but Tara reminds us: If your friend were in a similar situation, would you talk to her that way? It’s also good to remem This is essentially a self-help book by way of memoir. There’s a lot of good stuff in here. It’s always helpful to have a reminder to stop the negative thoughts about yourself—like that you’re a failure because you don’t have a boyfriend/the job you want/you aren’t working out or eating well enough and so on. For some of us, giving ourselves pep talks is not our natural state, but Tara reminds us: If your friend were in a similar situation, would you talk to her that way? It’s also good to remember to live in an attitude of gratitude for what you do have instead of always wanting what you don’t have. Taking care of yourself through eating well, not muting our lives with drugs including alcohol, getting enough sleep, and nurturing relationships, makes for a much happier life. But here’s what endlessly distracted me from what good stuff is in here: Tara seems to think she’s writing in the language of Tweets or something. I’m pretty sure she took a lot of this from her own journals, and in my journaling, I also use shorthand because ideally, I’m the only one who is ever going to read those pages. Maybe she was trying to seem overly conversational, but she was only having conversations with other Millennials, because those of us who are Gen X or older LEARNED TO WRITE IN COMPLETE SENTENCES BECAUSE THIS IS A BOOK. I got an advance copy from NetGalley, so the first couple times I ran across the lowercase “rn,” I thought it was some kind of typo, which happens a lot in advanced reader copies. The third time, from the context, I realized she was trying to say “right now,” and apparently didn’t have the time or space to be clear about this. I’m on social media so I know many shorthand terms, but sometimes, just bothering to write things out makes for actual clear writing, which is a super handy thing when it comes to communicating in written form. I identified with a lot of what Tara had to say. The tumultuous childhood she had was nuts. The most nutty thing were the unimaginably cruel voice mails her estranged mother would leave her after her parents separated and the mother took the younger sister, leaving Tara with her Dad. So, even though I’ve had ups and downs with my own mom, it made me appreciate that we do have a good, if not always easy, relationship. Thanks to NetGalley for the opportunity to read this book, which RELEASES FEBRUARY 18, 2020. For more reviews, please visit http://www.theresaalan.net/blog

  2. 5 out of 5

    Olive Fellows (abookolive)

    A book for the sparsely parented among us, this book aims to help readers "re-parent" themselves. It covers matters such as lessening negative self-talk, seizing opportunities, avoiding leaning on substances, best handling relationships, introducing an exercise program into your life - a wide variety of subjects, at least one of which is destined to speak to a problem that the reader faces. I really enjoyed the first half of this. The author gives some great recommendations of methods to get your A book for the sparsely parented among us, this book aims to help readers "re-parent" themselves. It covers matters such as lessening negative self-talk, seizing opportunities, avoiding leaning on substances, best handling relationships, introducing an exercise program into your life - a wide variety of subjects, at least one of which is destined to speak to a problem that the reader faces. I really enjoyed the first half of this. The author gives some great recommendations of methods to get yourself out of your own head and into some habits that will help you in the long run. I definitely want to take her up on at least a couple of her suggestions. I also really liked the "I'm in this with you" tone to the book. Part of it could be defined as a memoir as she takes you through some of her own experiences and, most importantly, what she learned from them. There's a definite "things don't have to be as hard for you as they were for me" kind of sentiment to the book that makes it incredibly relatable and approachable. However, her language oscillates back and forth between well-crafted thoughts and internet abbreviations. Listen, I'm on Twitter too and use "af" in plenty of text messages but that stuff DOES NOT BELONG IN A BOOK. Authors, stop doing this. It's not cute. The author probably had little to do with this next part, but the "swear words in the title" trend needs to end. Don't get me wrong, I'm a lover of curse words. I married a man from New Jersey. I'm very used to them. But the novelty of the *dreaded f-word* in the title died back in 2015. All you're doing by going for the shock factor of cursing in the title is guaranteeing your book won't be reviewed anywhere because they can't say or print the title. I'm even reticent to use it on my Booktube channel because people are so touchy about cursing (you should see some of the comments I get to that effect). Stop doing it! It's not even appropriate for this book! It should include the word "re-parent" because that's what this book is and why it'll appeal to readers. The second half of the book I didn't connect with at all; no one is ever going to convince me to go on HIKES and I've been in a stable relationship since I was seventeen so those chapters just...weren't for me. But again, I think most people will connect with even a piece of this. Despite my gripes, this is probably the best executed self-help book I've ever read.

  3. 4 out of 5

    B.

    I received an ARC of this book, and it's a train wreck. The author's kind of a train wreck too. I can only guess that the editor who okayed this has the flu and has some kind of impaired judgement or something. It's got such a narrow target audience, and it's just rather a waste of paper. It reads like someone decided to print out their social media blatherings. To quote the movie Easy A: Mr. Griffith: "I don't know what your generation's fascination is with documenting your every thought... but I received an ARC of this book, and it's a train wreck. The author's kind of a train wreck too. I can only guess that the editor who okayed this has the flu and has some kind of impaired judgement or something. It's got such a narrow target audience, and it's just rather a waste of paper. It reads like someone decided to print out their social media blatherings. To quote the movie Easy A: Mr. Griffith: "I don't know what your generation's fascination is with documenting your every thought... but I can assure you, they're not all diamonds. "Roman is having an OK day, and bought a Coke Zero at the gas station. Raise the roof." Who gives a rat's ass?"

  4. 5 out of 5

    Emily B

    Firstly I’m surprised if the author has any wall space left as she seems to stick almost everything to her walls and doors. Seriously though this book had a big impact on me. As a result I loosely have started journaling and have started to just buy the lilies.

  5. 5 out of 5

    Megan

    I really was excited about this book, as it was recommended to me. However, it wasn’t the fierce memoir I expected, but rather a self-help book for someone in their twenties. I’m not the intended demographic. I also didn’t agree with about half of her advice. While acknowledging her privilege, she did not keep any of that in mind when offering the advice, just presuming her audience would have the same privilege as she. Sigh, not for me. 2.5 stars

  6. 5 out of 5

    Christopher Burke

    Like many, I was drawn to this book by the incredibly sassy title. But the title is *also* emblematic of what ultimately repelled me as a reader. I really wanted to love this — and there were moments of clarity AND hilarity. However, Tara ultimately winds up promoting an inherently self-centred world. In that world, the “individual” seems required to “win” against any wider social and cultural imperative. So much so that any personal “improvements” really are — at the end of the day — self inter Like many, I was drawn to this book by the incredibly sassy title. But the title is *also* emblematic of what ultimately repelled me as a reader. I really wanted to love this — and there were moments of clarity AND hilarity. However, Tara ultimately winds up promoting an inherently self-centred world. In that world, the “individual” seems required to “win” against any wider social and cultural imperative. So much so that any personal “improvements” really are — at the end of the day — self interested, fragile and (I strongly suspect) superficial. It’s just my view, but I really don’t think the world needs more of a “me” culture. Quite the opposite. In fact, can I suggest that you *do* buy the lilies, and then GIVE them to your mother? You’ll *both* feel better.

  7. 5 out of 5

    Krista

    You are worth seven-dollar lilies. You are worth the thing that instantly makes your life better. I've heard people talk about their favourite exercise class this way. I've heard people talk about an order of guacamole with their tacos this way. I've heard people talk about the ten-dollar, ten-minute massage at the nail salon this way. That small, pleasurable thing that makes you feel like you are treating yourself – do not deprive yourself of this. Buy the f*cking lilies, take the class, order You are worth seven-dollar lilies. You are worth the thing that instantly makes your life better. I've heard people talk about their favourite exercise class this way. I've heard people talk about an order of guacamole with their tacos this way. I've heard people talk about the ten-dollar, ten-minute massage at the nail salon this way. That small, pleasurable thing that makes you feel like you are treating yourself – do not deprive yourself of this. Buy the f*cking lilies, take the class, order the guac, get the massage. Today, Tara Schuster is a happy and fulfilled “self-care ninja”, and as Comedy Central's Vice President of Talent and Development, is by all outward appearances (and by her own account) living a healthy and successful life. But this was not always so. Waking up the morning after her twenty-fifth birthday – vomit in her hair and voicemails from her frantic therapist, whom she didn't remember drunk-dialling the night before – Schuster decided then and there to figure out why her life was such an unhappy disaster. Over the next five years, Schuster examined every facet of her life, and by consulting other self-help books and trusting the wisdom that emerged from her own journalling efforts, she was able to find her way to a form of self-love that enabled her to then shine love out into the world as well (it's really not as cheesy as that sounds). In Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies, Schuster has assembled the lessons she learned (divided into three broad categories: Mind Rituals; Body Rituals; and Relationship Rituals), and while I really don't think that I am the target audience (the title alone screams a younger market), I found Schuster's voice to be so likeable, her storytelling to be so candid, and her advice to be so achievable, that I wouldn't hesitate to recommend this to a young woman looking for direction. (Note: I read an ARC and passages quoted may not be in their final forms.) Before I began my path to re-parenting and healing my wounds, it never occurred to me that you could enjoy your life. Having grown up in chaos, I naturally and easily built disorder into my adult life. I was so good at it, you guys. I thought that was life: a series of problems to be tackled until you have lived another day, only to face a new disaster. Divorce, fights, your parents losing their jobs, fights with your boyfriend, you possibly losing your job, being too high, not knowing yourself, those were the things my life was made up of. In that place of turmoil, I only had the wherewithal to survive to the next day. I was barely present for a life that I felt was happening to me. Mostly self-help with a lot of autobiographical bits to illustrate her journey, the basis of Schuster's healing was journalling: for the six years prior to writing this book, she made a ritual out of writing three single-spaced pages in her journal at the beginning of every day; with intention, examining her thoughts and feelings and repeating concerns, and eventually adding a daily unique list of ten things she's grateful for. And it was in these journals that Schuster discovered where her hurts originated and began to imagine what future actions might heal those wounds. I'm not going to describe all of the thirty-some rituals Schuster eventually embraced in order to improve her life, but they include such commonplace ideas as exercising, eating well, and keeping your home tidy (“dinner party ready”, but just for you) and such girly-frou-frou actions as covering the walls of your private space with inspirational quotes and pictures of “fierce” role models (held up with strips of glittery washi tape; “the Etsy version of Russell Crowe's office in A Beautiful Mind”), lighting incense or candles as you do your makeup routine in the morning (like the empress/goddess/Cleopatra that you are), and splurging on fresh flowers, scented candles, and beautiful bras meant only for your own enjoyment. And it's because of the girly-frou-frous that this seems aimed at young women; that and the title and the Millennial-girl-squad conversational tone: I began to realize that I did indeed have a lot to be grateful for. That didn't mean I didn't also have trauma in my life. It certainly didn't mean that I had worked out all of my issues from childhood and now everything was “perf, thanks, byeee.” The trauma and the gratitude were able to live in the same space, together. Little by little, I pulled the golden thread of gratitude out from the blanket of pain I usually wrapped myself in. Schuster's family-of-origin did leave her with plenty of baggage to deal with, and I can see how this book could serve as a lifeline for others looking for a path out of their own trauma, pain, and simple confusion around how to live a meaningful and happy life. On the other hand, there's a smack of privilege here: Schuster does state that she has always been very careful with money (so it really doesn't come down to how much you spend on indulgences – like the titular lilies – the point is to honour and nourish your own mind and body), but even so, not everyone will have the time/privacy/energy to wake up an extra hour early every day to write out their innermost thoughts; not everyone is in a position to walk away from unfulfilling relationships and jobs; not everyone has a half hour free every day to go for a walk. Yet: I really did find Tara Schuster to be likeable and relatable, and even if she seemed to have gotten most of her best ideas from other sources (which she notes), I can still see the value in this book for the right reader. Four stars is a rounding up.

  8. 4 out of 5

    The Girls Read

    As a memoir, I think I would have better enjoyed this one. But as a pseudo self help-type book, it really missed the mark. Growing up in a rocky household with parents who later divorced, becoming a self-proclaimed "party girl," and then working through her issues and later landing a pretty high up job with Comedy Central is the gist of the author's life. Her self-help tips aren't anything new or revolutionary, and a lot of her experiences (especially interactions with friends that led to her "g As a memoir, I think I would have better enjoyed this one. But as a pseudo self help-type book, it really missed the mark. Growing up in a rocky household with parents who later divorced, becoming a self-proclaimed "party girl," and then working through her issues and later landing a pretty high up job with Comedy Central is the gist of the author's life. Her self-help tips aren't anything new or revolutionary, and a lot of her experiences (especially interactions with friends that led to her "growth") come off as weirdly dramatized for the sake of making a point. She also makes self care seem a bit too simple. "I'm sad so I called a friend who lives in Tokyo who told me to come visit her and so I did and wow seeing the world really changed my life and I think you should do the same" or "One day I felt bad about myself and then the next day I bought an unlimited pass to a meditation studio and now my life is changed" (I'm definitely paraphrasing here). A lot of the book comes off a bit elitist, to be honest. When someone says they went to a really nice private school, followed by Brown University, and then flippantly states how "poor" they were, it irks me to no end. There are moments when the author realizes her privilege, but most of the time, I think the things she has to say come off as incredibly tone deaf. And the language she implores, like the overuse of the word "fuck" (which I realize is so ~*trendy*~ in self-help books now), and "supz" instead of super, "v" for very, was just a bit much for me. It stopped being cute about halfway in and started feeling like a desperate way to appear hip and cool and connect to the younger generation. Same goes for how often she felt the need to mention she used to do coke and smoke weed. Like, maybe she mentioned it so often as a contrast to how much "better" she is now, but it started to feel more like she wanted to prove how cool she was? I don't know. I really wanted to like this one, but the more I read it, the more frustrated I found myself getting with it. I'm sure Tara is a cool person with great things to say - I just wish she hadn't presented it to everyone as self care. As a current VP at Comedy Central, I think I would have been much more interested in a job-related book from her - one that explains her career steps in-depth, because I feel like that sort of information would have been much more valuable, and I probably would have taken that more seriously. Thanks to NetGalley for providing me with an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

  9. 5 out of 5

    Valerity (Val)

    The author, Tara Schuster, after years of therapy, spent a good amount of time working on trying to reparent herself, trying different methods. In this book, she shares different methods she suggests, along with her sense of humor throughout. I found it to be a kind of self help book with lots of ideas of things to try for changing the negative voice in your head, and just getting more positive about your life. If that’s something you are looking for, it’s a decent read, better than many dry tome The author, Tara Schuster, after years of therapy, spent a good amount of time working on trying to reparent herself, trying different methods. In this book, she shares different methods she suggests, along with her sense of humor throughout. I found it to be a kind of self help book with lots of ideas of things to try for changing the negative voice in your head, and just getting more positive about your life. If that’s something you are looking for, it’s a decent read, better than many dry tomes of this type. The ideas are creative, possibly even helpful. Advance electronic review copy was provided by NetGalley, author Tara Schuster, and the publisher.

  10. 4 out of 5

    Nenia ✨ I yeet my books back and forth ✨ Campbell

    Very interested in reading this because I actually have depression and I often have a lot of trouble feeling like I "deserve" to buy myself something nice. I find myself constantly having to rationalize any sort of purchase, be it lunch after a hard day of work or even a $1.99 ebook that is on sale. It seems like the message of this book is about working through your depression to find ways to appreciate yourself, and I hope it is, because that's something I wish I had learned earlier too. Very interested in reading this because I actually have depression and I often have a lot of trouble feeling like I "deserve" to buy myself something nice. I find myself constantly having to rationalize any sort of purchase, be it lunch after a hard day of work or even a $1.99 ebook that is on sale. It seems like the message of this book is about working through your depression to find ways to appreciate yourself, and I hope it is, because that's something I wish I had learned earlier too.

  11. 5 out of 5

    Tina

    This was a delight through and through. Part self help and part memoir, I consider this to be a self improvement book for “old millennials”. She breaks things down into three sections- The Mind, The Body, and The Relationships, and she holds nothing back. It’s authentic without being preachy, and while I listened to it, I’m also so glad to have a hard copy so I can underline. It’s about self-love, showing up, and being present in the life you’re in, and I’m so glad to have gotten a copy. I’ve al This was a delight through and through. Part self help and part memoir, I consider this to be a self improvement book for “old millennials”. She breaks things down into three sections- The Mind, The Body, and The Relationships, and she holds nothing back. It’s authentic without being preachy, and while I listened to it, I’m also so glad to have a hard copy so I can underline. It’s about self-love, showing up, and being present in the life you’re in, and I’m so glad to have gotten a copy. I’ve already been recommending it to my IRL friends :) I don’t often read self-improvement (aka self-help), but now and again I’ll come across one that really speaks to me. This was that kind of book.

  12. 4 out of 5

    Nursebookie

    I did not know much about Tara Schuster as a TV Executive but certainly know her work very well being involved in The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and Key & Peele. Her work with those shows helped their rise to popularity and its success. I loved to read about the personal life of very successful people and how they learned to manage the balance of their personal and professional life. The book was a great read and learned a lot from it and was able to take the advice to apply to my own personal I did not know much about Tara Schuster as a TV Executive but certainly know her work very well being involved in The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and Key & Peele. Her work with those shows helped their rise to popularity and its success. I loved to read about the personal life of very successful people and how they learned to manage the balance of their personal and professional life. The book was a great read and learned a lot from it and was able to take the advice to apply to my own personal life. I believe that other readers would be able to do the same as well. I found the read to be thoroughly thought provoking and admire the self-reflection as part of the book. I felt that the book was written with her heart on her sleeves and must be difficult to write these personal struggles for a very successful professional in the industry. I enjoy the honesty and that the book covered a wholistic approach to the mind, body and relationships, which are the most important to develop a healthy and happy life. This is truly an amazingly well written book by Tara that I highly recommend.

  13. 4 out of 5

    Elizabeth Jorgensen

    Am I her? Is she me? She made me remember my twenties, to remind myself why I'm never going back. Am I her? Is she me? She made me remember my twenties, to remind myself why I'm never going back.

  14. 4 out of 5

    Sarah Booth

    Honest look at self care Tara wrote a very honest and insightful book about coming from difficult beginnings and realizing that she didn’t have the knowledge or skills she needed in life so she set out to teach them to herself and learn how to be a functioning successful adult and develop the skill sets she needed. With humor and a great deal of herself laid bare, Tara shows the reader where she was in her life when she realized it wasn’t working for her. Instead of remaining on a self destructi Honest look at self care Tara wrote a very honest and insightful book about coming from difficult beginnings and realizing that she didn’t have the knowledge or skills she needed in life so she set out to teach them to herself and learn how to be a functioning successful adult and develop the skill sets she needed. With humor and a great deal of herself laid bare, Tara shows the reader where she was in her life when she realized it wasn’t working for her. Instead of remaining on a self destructive path she took on the challenge of figuring out how to get the skills she needed to change and grow. Recognizing that you are flailing is the first step. It’s easy to rationalize our actions away so seeing the need for change is a huge first step. We get to see her trial and error in her quest for answers and get the benefit of experiences. We may even see quite a bit of our own experience in hers. With humor and compassion Tara takes you through some rough times and gives the reader some short cuts so they don’t have to go the long way. It’s an nice read and very thought provoking. Even this bitter old GenXer could find a lot to appreciate.

  15. 5 out of 5

    Renee (itsbooktalk)

    4.5 stars review to come, this was fantastic on audio!

  16. 5 out of 5

    Mehrsa

    This is probably more useful to millenials or younger or those just figuring out their lives. There are some good tips in there, but it's basically a catalogue of "self-care" tips. Perhaps this is unfair because this is a problem with basically this whole genre of recent self-help, but I'd like to read more books about Buying someone else the F**** lilies. I think too much internal focus is crazy-making--or at least it is for me. This is probably more useful to millenials or younger or those just figuring out their lives. There are some good tips in there, but it's basically a catalogue of "self-care" tips. Perhaps this is unfair because this is a problem with basically this whole genre of recent self-help, but I'd like to read more books about Buying someone else the F**** lilies. I think too much internal focus is crazy-making--or at least it is for me.

  17. 4 out of 5

    Mel

    A dizzingly delightful concoction, this memoir is meant to lead by failure & success both. I reveled in Schuster’s (aka T$) encouragements. She is ready in every chapter to admit how she ended up there, inexcusably hungover and covered in some of her vomit, and equally ready to say “hey I know I was a mess, but I want to help you like my friends helped me, so have you tried ___??” What I admire about this book over other self-help bestsellers I won’t name is that Schuster is not ignoring the val A dizzingly delightful concoction, this memoir is meant to lead by failure & success both. I reveled in Schuster’s (aka T$) encouragements. She is ready in every chapter to admit how she ended up there, inexcusably hungover and covered in some of her vomit, and equally ready to say “hey I know I was a mess, but I want to help you like my friends helped me, so have you tried ___??” What I admire about this book over other self-help bestsellers I won’t name is that Schuster is not ignoring the validity of mental illness as an obstacle. She has been on medication for years for depression and anxiety and while she lays out long lists of guidelines to create rituals that will better oneself, she has included notes about how it’s ok to not follow them to the letter all the time. One notable chapter is her discussion of alcohol consumption and how despite her calling for no drinking on Sundays (because Mondays are hard enough without feeling the effects of one too many glasses of wine) she drank on that Sunday the week she was writing about it. So really, hers is a book I’d put into the hands of any of my girlfriends (the one so-so part is that on romantic relationships because it slants heavily towards heterosexual coupling, but it really is 80% her memoir and at least she’s not trying to teach what she doesn’t have experience in), knowing that they will get something out of it and hopefully push themselves to buy the damn lilies already. She doesn’t need that promotion to afford them or a husband to do it for her, respecting and loving yourself is too important not to splurge sometimes just because the flowers are too pretty to pass up. My “lilies” are books and I perhaps treat myself too often, but her message is clear. When the plane is going down, even the mother in the instructional video will put on her mask before her child’s. You cannot take care of others, your family or coworkers, no matter, unless you are already taking care of yourself. So whether or not you have also woken up after a raucous birthday night out to several voicemails from your therapist who is concerned for your well-being based on messages YOU left for her but can no longer remember— it’s ok, you can pick up this book to get a laugh and a little bit of a guidance and a whole lot of relief that it’s ok to mess up and there are people, Tara Schuster included, who care about you getting yourself back on track.

  18. 5 out of 5

    Katrina

    Lol... a white, abled, highly educated person who could afford the benefit of therapy in her twenties wants to let us know that if *she* “can be HAPPY... then you most def can.” GTFO. I can most definitely DNF this sack of shit and roll my eyes at those that blurbed it knowing that the “author” could not even be bothered to “write” complete words. Pretty sure this was completed using voice notes and autocorrect.

  19. 5 out of 5

    Jessica

    *Thanks to the publisher for the free review copy* “Don’t cheap out on yourself” Woo hoo! I finished a book! And it was enjoyable, practical, and relatable! It essentially comes down to being kind to yourself, indulging in small luxuries, and living your best life. It’s part memoir and part self help. The short chapters were very organized and it was perfect just to read one or two each night. I was skeptical at first because as a busy mom, sometimes self care can be super hard and some of the sugg *Thanks to the publisher for the free review copy* “Don’t cheap out on yourself” Woo hoo! I finished a book! And it was enjoyable, practical, and relatable! It essentially comes down to being kind to yourself, indulging in small luxuries, and living your best life. It’s part memoir and part self help. The short chapters were very organized and it was perfect just to read one or two each night. I was skeptical at first because as a busy mom, sometimes self care can be super hard and some of the suggestions are not conducive when you have a tiny human vying for your attention 24/7. For example, I loved Tara’s suggestion of journaling first thing in the morning. Although I’d have a hard time incorporating this into my daily schedule right now, it’s something I definitely want to try at some point. I typically take self helpy books with a grain of salt and if I’m able to come away with one or two things to better myself, it’s a win. In this case, I consider it a win.

  20. 4 out of 5

    laurel [the suspected bibliophile]

    3.5 stars Some stuff was really helpful, and a lot of it involving facing responsibility for your own actions, getting into your head and working through things in order to let it go, with tools like journaling, self-care, exercises and routines to help create a schedule and sense of normalcy. Other things were a little woo-woo and out there for me, and I was a little weirded out by how she talked about her exes so much, and named them (I am assuming with pseudonyms) and detailed each way they suc 3.5 stars Some stuff was really helpful, and a lot of it involving facing responsibility for your own actions, getting into your head and working through things in order to let it go, with tools like journaling, self-care, exercises and routines to help create a schedule and sense of normalcy. Other things were a little woo-woo and out there for me, and I was a little weirded out by how she talked about her exes so much, and named them (I am assuming with pseudonyms) and detailed each way they sucked (she did admit her own responsibilities).

  21. 4 out of 5

    Donna Hines

    You know I just had to pick this up because I've been a fan of the 'plant your own garden' idea. So when I seen the title about lilies having them for my wedding bouquet (stargazer's) I knew this was the one because that marriage ended upon the rocks much like it began. So I'm familiar with the depressed state but not as much with the weed or drinking binges but can relate to the lack of parental support. What I took away from this was quite numerous as it was engaging and peaceful in a sense to kn You know I just had to pick this up because I've been a fan of the 'plant your own garden' idea. So when I seen the title about lilies having them for my wedding bouquet (stargazer's) I knew this was the one because that marriage ended upon the rocks much like it began. So I'm familiar with the depressed state but not as much with the weed or drinking binges but can relate to the lack of parental support. What I took away from this was quite numerous as it was engaging and peaceful in a sense to know you're not alone . We all have a story to tell & in this case the story involves giving back and seeking gratitude. Kindness is free. Love is freely given. Human companionship need not cost anything. We all have the ability to do random acts of kindness daily (even if not returned in kind.) We all have the talent to write and journal and send the darn thank you notes. We can all give a lil more to brighten someone else's day and in turn have it reciprocated in kind. Just think of what a wonderful world it would be if we all just gave a lil more. So for that I commend this book's arrival. I only wish Tara would've known how much talent she possesses and didn't wait for someone to appreciate her. This is a hard lesson to be authentic and true to self and not live for others. I've always stayed true to self but I'm an empath and when they didn't celebrate me I learned to celebrate myself. The way I chose to do so is very much similar to what was mentioned but mine took on the form of year round volunteering to the point I was awarded our nation's highest honor the Points Of Light by President George H.W. Bush. So before you act think and damn go buy the purse, dance in the rain, cuddle up and snuggle with your fav book. Do what makes you happy! Thank you Tara for being so open and honest as I'm sure this story will resonate with many out there.

  22. 4 out of 5

    Gerardine Betancourt

    Tara Schuster gives us her life story written as a self-help book. I don't tend to read self-help books but I'm happy I requested this. The book touches on mental health issues, toxic relationships with friends and partners, and rituals that can help you be a better person in your life. The book made me feel that I had a friend by my side who understood the things that I have been through. Some of the things I took out of this book: *Take whatever weird little opportunity you have and maximize the Tara Schuster gives us her life story written as a self-help book. I don't tend to read self-help books but I'm happy I requested this. The book touches on mental health issues, toxic relationships with friends and partners, and rituals that can help you be a better person in your life. The book made me feel that I had a friend by my side who understood the things that I have been through. Some of the things I took out of this book: *Take whatever weird little opportunity you have and maximize the f*uck out of it. *I've found that journaling can give you physical relief and peace. * Be the heroine in your life, not the victim. *Fake gratitude until you feel gratitude. *Stop insulting yourself. *Stop self- medicating it doesn't work. *Buy yourself the fucking lilies, don't cheap out in yourself. You are worth the things that instantly makes your life better. * It's not okay to spend money unconsciously on things that bring you zero joy. *Make time for you *Find what inspires you and cling for it *Lifes is not a series of crises to de endured. Life is to be enjoyed. * Create physical habits that work for you *Do one kind thing for yourself daily. * Fill your house with treasures, not stuff. *Eat food that makes you feel good, not sick * You can't control how other peoples treat you, but you can control what you accept. *Your bonds are what gives your life meaning. Your relationship gives you strength. *Don't waste another second on people who don't make your life better. *You need someone who takes responsibility for their own life. End of story. 4.5 stars Thank you so much to Netgalley and Random House for this arc in exchange for an honest review.

  23. 5 out of 5

    Patty Smith

    Many thanks to NetGalley, Random House, and Tara Schuster for an ARC in exchange for an honest book review of Buy Yourself The F*cking Lilies. My thoughts and opinions are 100% my own and independent of receiving an advance copy. Tara Schuster finds herself hungover after her twenty-fifth birthday with a message from her therapist whom she had drunk dialed the night before. The therapist phoned her many times worried after the message Tara had left, that Tara was going to hurt herself. Truth is T Many thanks to NetGalley, Random House, and Tara Schuster for an ARC in exchange for an honest book review of Buy Yourself The F*cking Lilies. My thoughts and opinions are 100% my own and independent of receiving an advance copy. Tara Schuster finds herself hungover after her twenty-fifth birthday with a message from her therapist whom she had drunk dialed the night before. The therapist phoned her many times worried after the message Tara had left, that Tara was going to hurt herself. Truth is Tara had hit rock bottom. She felt like she was good at work but bad at life. She had a chaotic childhood and seemed to be making a mess of her twenties. So this book is the result of what she learned after cleaning up her life. Tara is a comedian and has worked for some major hitters like Jon Stewart and now holds the Vice President position at Comedy Central. She is a great writer and interjects a lot of humour in her writing. I think it is worth mentioning that the book is skewed for younger people. I don’t think the advice is relevant if you are over 40. Also, there aren’t any new ideas here. But what she presents is good advice. Things like take time for yourself, treat yourself as someone special, enjoy life because it goes by quickly. She also shows how some of the issues can be popping up in your work life. Things like seeking approval, trying so hard to please everyone, behaviour that can make it seem like great job skills, but aren’t serving you well in your life. So nothing earth-shattering, but sometimes it is nice to hear things in a different way. She offers concrete steps or exercises to help you through the process. For example, journaling as a way of “excavating your past wounds”. Her steps are 1) Admit the thought or feeling that you’re having 2) Touch all the feels 3) Get curious about why this is an issue for you now 4) Commit to a healing action and 5) Finish with an affirmation. All to get you to what she describes as your “Oprah Mind”. Now, you don’t that all at once! She explains each step thoroughly with examples. She even teaches you how to find the twenty minutes you’ll need to do the journaling. What was new for me was her direction on how to journal. I was always taught to write whatever was in my mind, to get anything down just get the juices flowing. Tara, however, wants you to be more intentional. She says don’t write down your grocery list or how great your lunch was today. She wants you to dig deep down to your core and see what you believe. About yourself and about the world. It was nice to see how the journaling changes over time and gets to the positive and how that can help in your life. So in addition to working out past trauma, it might help you realize that there is a difference between what you believe and what is the truth. Then you can begin to dream bigger and want more for yourself. She also notes the physical benefits of journaling. Tara describes how each step went for her for you to realize that it isn’t necessarily easy and it doesn’t happen right away. Usually with a dose of humour. Overall, It was a five-year process for her. I wish I had this book back when I was twenty, or twenty-five. I certainly could have used the self-awareness and I certainly made a lot of the same mistakes she did. I’ve done a lot of work in this area so even though it wasn’t new information, I still found a few takeaways. It just has a lot less relevance for me now, in my current stage of life. But a fun read and lots of good advice.

  24. 4 out of 5

    Tzipora

    The self help book for people who hate or can’t relate to other self help books! Tara Schuster is a very accomplished TV exec. She’s the kind of woman you look and think “Damn, I bet she has it all figured out.” Spoiler alert: She doesn’t! Or at least she didn’t. Underneath all the Instagram-worthy success she was a chronically anxious, self-medicating mess. This book, part self-help, part memoir, part chat over drinks with your bestie, is the story of how she got her sh*t together, the book she The self help book for people who hate or can’t relate to other self help books! Tara Schuster is a very accomplished TV exec. She’s the kind of woman you look and think “Damn, I bet she has it all figured out.” Spoiler alert: She doesn’t! Or at least she didn’t. Underneath all the Instagram-worthy success she was a chronically anxious, self-medicating mess. This book, part self-help, part memoir, part chat over drinks with your bestie, is the story of how she got her sh*t together, the book she wished someone had given her when she needed it. I LOVED this one! I requested it from Net Galley during a really rough time in my life, in a hospital dealing with medical drama, shortly after the death of a close friend with the same health issues as me, & about six months away from my 30th birthday. I’ll be honest. My trajectory and life is very different from the norm. I spent the entirety of my 20s saying I didn’t expect to live to see 30 due to a life-limiting genetic disease. I share this not for pity but to say look, a lot of self help books just don’t seem to apply to me. I’m sure I’m not alone in that thinking. It’s easy for wealthy privileged celebs to recommend all kinds of wild or expensive things all in the sake of self care or betterment but this book isn’t like that at all. You don’t need money to do anything Tara talks about (and in fact, there’s a fantastic section about dealing with financial anxieties and the toxic money behavior we learn from our parents or the society around us). What you do need, is a desire to make real and actionable change and Tara details how, as well as telling you about her experiences doing exactly the things she recommends. Ultimately, we are all more alike than we are different. Like Tara, I had very neglectful, uninvolved parents. I SO loved and needed her idea of re-parenting yourself. I started working through this book slowly, really taking her words and ideas to heart. I started a gratitude journal (something my therapist kept recommending but I kept scoffing at. Tara, my therapist thanks you!). I made lists of my goals. I re-evaluated my relationship with money and also on treating myself. I especially loved the last section of the book about relationships because I could relate a lot to Tara, that when you learn a warped idea of what love is from your parents, it can really funk up literally every other relationship in your life. But I don’t think you need to come from a problematic family to gain so dang much from this book. I’ve intentionally written this post in my own natural not so book reviewer-y voice because I couldn’t get over how much Tara talks like me, how much it felt like Tara was talking to & with me. I didn’t know who the flip Tara was when I started the book, but having read it, I feel like she’s my bff and the coach in my head. This is the book for people who don’t feel seen by other self help authors. If any of this appeals to you or sounds like something you need or want, buy the fucking book!

  25. 5 out of 5

    Audra (ouija.reads)

    How could I not be intrigued by a book that curses at me with its title and is covered in beautiful flowers?? I loved so many things about this book. It is separated into three sections: The Mind Rituals, The Body Rituals, and The Relationship Rituals. The first section specifically really spoke to me. I am in my late twenties, and although our lives have been incredibly different, there was so much that I could relate to about Schuster's experience in trying to find herself. She doesn't hold ba How could I not be intrigued by a book that curses at me with its title and is covered in beautiful flowers?? I loved so many things about this book. It is separated into three sections: The Mind Rituals, The Body Rituals, and The Relationship Rituals. The first section specifically really spoke to me. I am in my late twenties, and although our lives have been incredibly different, there was so much that I could relate to about Schuster's experience in trying to find herself. She doesn't hold back, giving specific stories from her life and how she changed and overcame difficulties. The book is much like a memoir and a self-help book all at once. It is very much told in Tara's voice, very casual and fun, as though she was chatting with you directly. I didn't mind it, but sometimes it did go a bit overboard. What I appreciated the most was that the book doesn't just talk at you, it also gives you specific actions, rituals, questions to ponder that are really helpful. I have never been any type of consistent journaler, never really getting the point of just chatting to myself about myself. But I took Tara's advice and it definitely helps. While I think the first part of the book could be so applicable to everyone, the next two parts were definitely written more with women in mind. There are some rituals that I think men would not be as excited about, like buying fancy underwear. There's nothing wrong with that, I guess I just wished it could have been more universal. Additionally, there were some problematic things in the book. Most pressing were the flippant references to burning or smudging sage. This has become really trendy, but people are starting to be more mindful about this. Sage is not only overharvested due to its social media popularity, but its use is considered cultural appropriation from Indigenous peoples who use the plant for spiritual and medicinal purposes. I'm sure it wasn't her intention to be appropriative, but intentions aren't everything. I would have appreciated a few lines put in about mindful use of sage or about the history of where burning hebs comes from. My thanks to The Dial Press for my copy of this one to read and review.

  26. 5 out of 5

    sofia

    i enjoyed a lot of things about this book, and as someone in her mid-20s trying to get her shit together some things hit super hard. so that's fun. obviously since it's a self-help book slash memoir, you can't really expect to be able to relate to every problem or situation that's discussed but despite that i found myself enjoying the story of it all anyway. maybe what's said in this book isn't groundbreaking (i wouldn't know since i don't have a lot of experience in the self-help area) but i th i enjoyed a lot of things about this book, and as someone in her mid-20s trying to get her shit together some things hit super hard. so that's fun. obviously since it's a self-help book slash memoir, you can't really expect to be able to relate to every problem or situation that's discussed but despite that i found myself enjoying the story of it all anyway. maybe what's said in this book isn't groundbreaking (i wouldn't know since i don't have a lot of experience in the self-help area) but i think a lot of it are things we kind of know but don't really think about too hard, or maybe don't want to think about, and sometimes you need someone else to point these things out to you, in order to really take it in.

  27. 5 out of 5

    Rather.be.reading1

    First of all- GREAT COVER! I really like in her intro she says "In all things, I let truth, vulnerability, and kindness guide me." That was a great start for me. Schuster is definitely hilarious and I think everyone can identify with at least one part of her hilarious story. I definitely found myself saying "yep I've done that" or "that was me" and "me too". I will be recommending this to everyone I know. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review this book. First of all- GREAT COVER! I really like in her intro she says "In all things, I let truth, vulnerability, and kindness guide me." That was a great start for me. Schuster is definitely hilarious and I think everyone can identify with at least one part of her hilarious story. I definitely found myself saying "yep I've done that" or "that was me" and "me too". I will be recommending this to everyone I know. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review this book.

  28. 5 out of 5

    Jeri

    This was an okay self-help memoir aimed at those of us that didn't have storybook lives or have other baggage in our lives. I congratulate her on working on her own life and sharing her ideas with others along with very personal stories. The book has several ideas to try to get your mindset to change and stop being so negative to yourself. I won an ARC from the First Reads program on Goodreads. This was an okay self-help memoir aimed at those of us that didn't have storybook lives or have other baggage in our lives. I congratulate her on working on her own life and sharing her ideas with others along with very personal stories. The book has several ideas to try to get your mindset to change and stop being so negative to yourself. I won an ARC from the First Reads program on Goodreads.

  29. 5 out of 5

    Lizzie

    Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies: And Other Rituals to Fix Your Life, from Someone Who's Been There by Tara Schuster is a memoir of Schuster's journey to self-love told through a series of essays detailing the steps she took to reparent herself after experiencing childhood trauma. It begins with Schuster drunk-dialing her therapist and takes the reader through her journey to learning to care for herself in the ways in which her parents did not. I enjoyed this book and am very happy for Schuster t Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies: And Other Rituals to Fix Your Life, from Someone Who's Been There by Tara Schuster is a memoir of Schuster's journey to self-love told through a series of essays detailing the steps she took to reparent herself after experiencing childhood trauma. It begins with Schuster drunk-dialing her therapist and takes the reader through her journey to learning to care for herself in the ways in which her parents did not. I enjoyed this book and am very happy for Schuster that she was able to take the steps she outlined here. Some of this book will definitely stay with me - especially the parts about keeping your home clean and DPR (dinner party ready) as a form of self-care.

  30. 5 out of 5

    Amber

    Each section does have advice that I see myself using, but overall the last section lost me.

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