website statistics Modern Kinship: A Queer Guide to Christian Marriage - PDF Books Online
Hot Best Seller

Modern Kinship: A Queer Guide to Christian Marriage

Availability: Ready to download

Same-sex marriage may be legal in America, but it's still far from the accepted norm, especially in Christian circles. So where can LBGTQ Christians who desire a lifelong, covenantal relationship look for dating and marriage advice when Christian relationship guides have not only simply ignored but actively excluded same-sex couples? David and Constantino Khalaf struggled t Same-sex marriage may be legal in America, but it's still far from the accepted norm, especially in Christian circles. So where can LBGTQ Christians who desire a lifelong, covenantal relationship look for dating and marriage advice when Christian relationship guides have not only simply ignored but actively excluded same-sex couples? David and Constantino Khalaf struggled to find relational role models and guidance throughout dating, their engagement, and the early months of their marriage. To fill this void, they began writing Modern Kinship, a blog exploring the unique challenges queer couples face on the road from singleness to marital bliss. Part personal reflection, part commentary, and full of practical advice, Modern Kinship explores the biblical concept of kinship from a twenty-first-century perspective. This important resource tackles subjects such as dating outside of smartphone apps, overcoming church and family issues, meeting your partner's parents, deciding when and how to have children, and finding your mission as a couple. Modern Kinship encourages queer Christian couples to build God-centered partnerships of trust and mutuality.


Compare

Same-sex marriage may be legal in America, but it's still far from the accepted norm, especially in Christian circles. So where can LBGTQ Christians who desire a lifelong, covenantal relationship look for dating and marriage advice when Christian relationship guides have not only simply ignored but actively excluded same-sex couples? David and Constantino Khalaf struggled t Same-sex marriage may be legal in America, but it's still far from the accepted norm, especially in Christian circles. So where can LBGTQ Christians who desire a lifelong, covenantal relationship look for dating and marriage advice when Christian relationship guides have not only simply ignored but actively excluded same-sex couples? David and Constantino Khalaf struggled to find relational role models and guidance throughout dating, their engagement, and the early months of their marriage. To fill this void, they began writing Modern Kinship, a blog exploring the unique challenges queer couples face on the road from singleness to marital bliss. Part personal reflection, part commentary, and full of practical advice, Modern Kinship explores the biblical concept of kinship from a twenty-first-century perspective. This important resource tackles subjects such as dating outside of smartphone apps, overcoming church and family issues, meeting your partner's parents, deciding when and how to have children, and finding your mission as a couple. Modern Kinship encourages queer Christian couples to build God-centered partnerships of trust and mutuality.

30 review for Modern Kinship: A Queer Guide to Christian Marriage

  1. 5 out of 5

    Jessica

    4.5 stars. As Rachel Held Evans says in the foreword, the world has needed this book. Although I'm a straight cis woman in a different-gender marriage, this may still be the only "Christian relationship" book I've ever read that actually felt relevant to me. There are few guides out there for those who want a God-centered relationship that isn't based in gender complementarianism, and none others that I know of that are specifically written for LGBTQ Christians. The Khalafs are incredibly vulner 4.5 stars. As Rachel Held Evans says in the foreword, the world has needed this book. Although I'm a straight cis woman in a different-gender marriage, this may still be the only "Christian relationship" book I've ever read that actually felt relevant to me. There are few guides out there for those who want a God-centered relationship that isn't based in gender complementarianism, and none others that I know of that are specifically written for LGBTQ Christians. The Khalafs are incredibly vulnerable in sharing their personal stories, both of their own relationship and of their life experiences prior to meeting, and they are also incredibly practical, digging into the nitty-gritty about things like how to navigate online dating when the dating pool for queer Christians in your geographic area may be more of a "dating puddle." The result is a book that is helpful, challenging, beautiful, and — yes — much-needed. The audience for this book is broad, as they address not only their fellow queer Christians but also allies, pastors, and others who might benefit from their advice. I found it helpful as a way to understand what my LGBTQ siblings-in-Christ may be experiencing, but also found their general advice about marriage to be a valuable reminder about what makes a relationship last. The chapters are interspersed with interviews with those who represent parts of the LGBTQ rainbow that the Khalafs themselves do not, and they are (mostly) cognizant of the times when their advice is specific to their experience as white cis gay men and when it's broader than that. It's certainly not perfect (the editing could have been a bit stronger throughout, and I would have told them to reconsider a handful of phrases they use) but as a book that may be the first of its kind, it's a truly excellent and relatively comprehensive guide to the unique challenges and joys of LGBTQ Christian relationships. I definitely recommend this, particularly to those in that community but also to anyone who wants to be a more informed ally and to anyone who's looking for a more egalitarian guide to Christian marriage.

  2. 5 out of 5

    Matthew Little

    This didn’t feel like reading a book. It felt like talking after dinner with two new friends; friends who, through their vulnerability and transparency, welcome you into their lives. Growing up in conservative evangelicalism, I am (too) familiar with the “marriage and family” industrial complex. I approached this book half expecting a queer version of the Christian literature I was overwhelmed by at my Christian college: spousal to-do lists, clichéd Biblical analogies, and endless personality te This didn’t feel like reading a book. It felt like talking after dinner with two new friends; friends who, through their vulnerability and transparency, welcome you into their lives. Growing up in conservative evangelicalism, I am (too) familiar with the “marriage and family” industrial complex. I approached this book half expecting a queer version of the Christian literature I was overwhelmed by at my Christian college: spousal to-do lists, clichéd Biblical analogies, and endless personality tests. David and Constantino’s writing couldn’t be further from this. This book is essential reading for any LGBTQ Christian wanting to integrate their faith into a committed relationship. It should also be on the bookshelf of any clergy, counselor, parent, or ally who will walk with a queer person on the road toward matrimony. Early in the book, the authors point out that for most of LGBTQ history our focus has had to stay on the fight to justify our existence. But with the advancement of LGBTQ rights (at least in the West) has come the freedom to expand our focus to what equality actually looks like lived out and how we begin to cultivate the lives we desire to lead. In that space, David and Constantino tell their story and identify what has best helped them through dating, marriage, and family planning. They also give room to other members of the LGBTQ family to provide diverse perspectives of queer relationships viewed through a Christian lens. The authors create a resource where for so long there has been none. They share hard-earned wisdom where there is currently a deeply felt need for guidance and support. I was most struck by how openly David and Constatino shared their lives. I am accustomed to hearing spousal anecdotes about fights over who will take out the trash. I am not used to reading about how one spouse’s affair from the past impacted the building of his relationship with his new partner. I am not used to sorting through the ways shame and internalized homophobia sabotage the marriage we aspire to nurture with the one we love. As personal as these stories were, I was grateful to read them. I needed to process both the blessing and pain waiting within the covenant of queer Christian marriage. It was in these moments that I felt like I knew the authors, as if I was sitting in their living room engaged in one of those heart-to-hearts that go late into the night. What I needed most was the tangible reality that David and Constantino exist. No matter our age, no matter our backgrounds, a committed marriage between two same-gender Christians that is informed and shaped by their faith can exist. Like many who grew up in a conservative religious household, I didn’t have a family or youth pastor who taught me how to be a good Christian husband to another man someday. Since coming out and beginning to date, I’ve often groaned, “But how does this work? How do I do this?” Through the grace of their storytelling, David and Constantino offer one example. They are the mentors we lacked. I hope this book is the first in a series of many. Read "Modern Kinship" for yourself and then be prepared to order five more copies for the people you know could use it. The queer Christian community needs these stories. Thank God we live at a time when they are finally being told.

  3. 4 out of 5

    Carmie

    As a queer Christian woman, I really wanted to like this book - I just didn’t find it to have very much depth. There were some useful parts, but I mostly felt that the intended audience was so wide, including people who have very little knowledge of queer relationships, that it was explaining a lot of queerness to me that I didn’t need or want explained. It was like all the explaining ourselves that we have to do in church settings and with Christian folks was done in this book - and I wanted/ex As a queer Christian woman, I really wanted to like this book - I just didn’t find it to have very much depth. There were some useful parts, but I mostly felt that the intended audience was so wide, including people who have very little knowledge of queer relationships, that it was explaining a lot of queerness to me that I didn’t need or want explained. It was like all the explaining ourselves that we have to do in church settings and with Christian folks was done in this book - and I wanted/expected a book that was for us by us, free from the need to constantly explain ourselves. Perhaps I misunderstood the intention of the book, but either way, it was a disappointing read.

  4. 4 out of 5

    Hillary Marshall

    This is a beautifully written book on authentic, mission driven, Christian marriage. The wonderful nature of this vulnerable and thoughtfully orchestrated book is written by two homosexual men who desire to share their journey. This is a must read for anyone seeking ideas to improve their marriage, navigate the intricacies of dating and courtship, and get a glimpse at the real struggles of the Christian LBGTQ+ community in their search for meaningful, intimate relationships.

  5. 5 out of 5

    Jonathan Freeman-Coppadge

    Modern Kinship is as beautiful as it is useful. Immensely practical, it also inspires at every turn by capturing the meaning behind the practices that make for healthy marriages. The Khalafs deliver wisdom gleaned from scripture, the Gottman Institute, and a chorus of diverse voices that comprise the interviews interspersed through the matrix of their own experiences. “For so long,” they write, “[the queer] community has been focused on the issue of acceptance that we have, perhaps, become short Modern Kinship is as beautiful as it is useful. Immensely practical, it also inspires at every turn by capturing the meaning behind the practices that make for healthy marriages. The Khalafs deliver wisdom gleaned from scripture, the Gottman Institute, and a chorus of diverse voices that comprise the interviews interspersed through the matrix of their own experiences. “For so long,” they write, “[the queer] community has been focused on the issue of acceptance that we have, perhaps, become shortsighted about what lies beyond it.” Modern Kinship seeks to address that myopia by tackling a range of questions that will benefit married people of any stripe—questions like the soundness of gender complementarianism, the role of a support system for the married couple, the emotional baggage around sex, and the very underpinnings of what we understand marriage to be. “We talk a lot about kinship because we are convinced that it is a bond—the notion that another person can be your flesh and bone—that establishes a marriage’s foundation.” Tracing the story of their relationship from the initial attraction to dating to engagement to marriage to the pitfalls and questions that come afterward, the Khalafs question every assumption they find. Their reflections hold challenges and payoffs for those steeped in Christian culture, in queer culture, and even those who feel left out by others’ cultural groupings. By turns tender and clear-eyed, wise and vulnerable, funny and firm, Modern Kinship is a guide for lovers and spouses to read and reread in each step of their journey together. Like the Khalafs’ very existence as gay Christians, this book models what it looks like to shed others’ preconceived ideas and do the hard work of articulating and fleshing out a marriage as beautiful and authentic as one’s own faith.

  6. 4 out of 5

    Leonardo

    This book was a meaningful read. With dog-eared pages and underlined passages, I’ll be pulling it off my shelf for when I need encouragement in my marriage. I’m a huge fan of the work of John and Julie Gottman and this book is a great companion to their work.

  7. 4 out of 5

    R

    Modern Kinship is the breath of fresh the faith-based, LGBTQ community needs. The story of the Khalaf's, interwoven with theology and scripture, puts into perspective a side our humanity that is rarely spoken of. It is a must read for anyone who is embarking on the journey of reconciling their faith and sexuality; those who have family members who are on that journey need to read this also. It puts into words the story of so many of us who don't know how to articulate what we are going through. Modern Kinship is the breath of fresh the faith-based, LGBTQ community needs. The story of the Khalaf's, interwoven with theology and scripture, puts into perspective a side our humanity that is rarely spoken of. It is a must read for anyone who is embarking on the journey of reconciling their faith and sexuality; those who have family members who are on that journey need to read this also. It puts into words the story of so many of us who don't know how to articulate what we are going through. It takes a look at the marginalized's experience in church, and couples it with biblical theology to show ourselves and the church that we are not going anywhere. Personally, this book has put words to the suppressed corners of my being, bringing about healing, life and transformation. it characterizes what myself, and so many others today still experience, through bravery, a humility, and authenticity. This page turner is highly relatable, and has something for everyone. Whether you come from a family who has always, completely accepted who you are; to the other end of the spectrum of those of us still seeking God for healing. I have purchased this book for family and friends, after reading it myself! Do yourself the favor and let the Khalaf's minister to your soul through their expansive journey.

  8. 4 out of 5

    Audrey Adamson Stars in Her Eye

    As an ally, I realy enjoy reading the perspective of the LGBT population and their strugles in life. I want to lean to be a better ally by listening to their stories. Gay couple David and Constantino Khalaf foudn themselves in situation that non heterosecuals don't have to deal with when it comes to relationship and marriage. Without a guide on how to proceed, the two wrote Modern Kinship to help other couples through theese hoops. The book goes into how marriage, all mariiage, is a testment to G As an ally, I realy enjoy reading the perspective of the LGBT population and their strugles in life. I want to lean to be a better ally by listening to their stories. Gay couple David and Constantino Khalaf foudn themselves in situation that non heterosecuals don't have to deal with when it comes to relationship and marriage. Without a guide on how to proceed, the two wrote Modern Kinship to help other couples through theese hoops. The book goes into how marriage, all mariiage, is a testment to God and the authors try to to make thei relationship reflect that. The couple take turns writing sharing their stories and their struggles. Nontarditional couples can learn a lot from their experiences and see they are not alone. But because this book cenetrs on God as teh cneter of a marriage, any couple can learn rom their tips on marriage. An eye opening look into marriage and a pratical discussion of queer raltionships, Moern Kinship is enlightening and egaging. I received an Arc trhough NetGalley; all opinions are my own.

  9. 5 out of 5

    Gary Conachan

    For quite some time, much of the conversation around faith and sexuality has centered on theology. The focus has been on Scripture and whether or not God supports the LQBTQ community. As laws and societal views have changed, people have felt increasingly safe and boldly come out of the closet. The question becomes, “Now what?” Even if they’ve settled their theology and reconciled their identity and faith, there’s no clear road map for how to move forward, especially in romantic relationships. In For quite some time, much of the conversation around faith and sexuality has centered on theology. The focus has been on Scripture and whether or not God supports the LQBTQ community. As laws and societal views have changed, people have felt increasingly safe and boldly come out of the closet. The question becomes, “Now what?” Even if they’ve settled their theology and reconciled their identity and faith, there’s no clear road map for how to move forward, especially in romantic relationships. In Modern Kinship, David and Tino Khalaf offer just that: a road map that, rather than being a one-size-fits-all approach, suggests possibilities and paths that might be taken. Right away, the Khalafs are honest about the limit of their story: as two cisgender gay men, theirs is but one of the many stories of queer people. They counter this with various interviews, including the voices of women, transgender people, and people of color. This helps paint a broader picture of what it means to be queer, but especially a queer person of faith. Their own story is bold, moving, and vulnerable. Where shame might prohibit certain conversations, they boldly speak up about sex and family wounds and much in between. It’s hard not to be moved, as their story resonates with any queer person of faith. From shame in dating to the rejection of loved ones, they grieve their hardships and offer hope to heal from them. Relationships and marriage aren’t “happily ever after,” affirmed by their vulnerability; yet even so, they suggest that healthy, God-honoring relationships are possible for any queer person. Even if you aren’t religious, there is much to be gleaned from their story. If you’re interested in others’ stories, what life could look like as a queer Christian, and how thriving, queer relationships might work, Modern Kinship is a must-read. The Khalafs’ story is refreshing, paving the way for others on similar journeys. Their voice furthers an oft-neglected and much-needed conversation, one that has long been overdue.

  10. 5 out of 5

    Stefan Styk

    I really enjoyed this book. I heard about it after reading David's piece in the NY Times and figured it could be a good read as a newly engaged gay man with a Catholic upbringing. I found this to be a really helpful look at what could be derided as "Christian values," but which I believe in, regardless of actually practicing religion, and furthermore applied to a relationship in a way I could genuinely relate to. I do indeed strive to continue to build my relationship with these values. Thank yo I really enjoyed this book. I heard about it after reading David's piece in the NY Times and figured it could be a good read as a newly engaged gay man with a Catholic upbringing. I found this to be a really helpful look at what could be derided as "Christian values," but which I believe in, regardless of actually practicing religion, and furthermore applied to a relationship in a way I could genuinely relate to. I do indeed strive to continue to build my relationship with these values. Thank you David and Constantino for sharing your insights and perspectives, both from your positive and less positive experiences together. You offer a fresh way of living outside of the "scene," which could almost be viewed as a radical gay marriage in the best way, in my view.

  11. 5 out of 5

    Ashley Lewis

    I liked this book way more than I thought I was going to. As a straight woman married for 10 years I didnt think it would have anything for me, but I wanted to read it to understand ways in which I can support the LGBTQ persons in my life. What I found was just really great advice and insights of relationships full stop. It also challenged the concepts of "christian" marriage I have only ever been told, while presenting ideas that are full of wisdom and richer in meaning than what is pushed in c I liked this book way more than I thought I was going to. As a straight woman married for 10 years I didnt think it would have anything for me, but I wanted to read it to understand ways in which I can support the LGBTQ persons in my life. What I found was just really great advice and insights of relationships full stop. It also challenged the concepts of "christian" marriage I have only ever been told, while presenting ideas that are full of wisdom and richer in meaning than what is pushed in conservative circles. I cannot Express how much I enjoyed this book!

  12. 4 out of 5

    Brittany

    A very practical book that answers a deep need for the LGBTQ+ Christian community. For those of us who don’t fit the script of straight Christian marriage/family, it is a guiding light. Rewriting your own guidelines after throwing out the script your religion or culture gave you is a significant challenge. It’s also difficult to still want partnership, commitment, and marriage as an LGBTQ+ Christian. This book is a touchpoint and foundation to the work of rewriting, and has been a comfort and en A very practical book that answers a deep need for the LGBTQ+ Christian community. For those of us who don’t fit the script of straight Christian marriage/family, it is a guiding light. Rewriting your own guidelines after throwing out the script your religion or culture gave you is a significant challenge. It’s also difficult to still want partnership, commitment, and marriage as an LGBTQ+ Christian. This book is a touchpoint and foundation to the work of rewriting, and has been a comfort and encouragement to me as I dream of a future in partnership with someone.

  13. 4 out of 5

    Dee Dee

    A great book.

  14. 5 out of 5

    Melissa Cheresnick

  15. 5 out of 5

    Kim Dent

  16. 5 out of 5

    Robin Fox

  17. 4 out of 5

    Lane Rose

  18. 4 out of 5

    Liz

  19. 5 out of 5

    Joel Bond

  20. 4 out of 5

    Jay Butler

  21. 5 out of 5

    Heather

  22. 5 out of 5

    Brandon

  23. 5 out of 5

    Tjitske

  24. 4 out of 5

    John Smith

  25. 4 out of 5

    Clare

  26. 5 out of 5

    Amy Reed

  27. 4 out of 5

    Stef

  28. 5 out of 5

    Lora Teagarden

  29. 4 out of 5

    Haley

  30. 5 out of 5

    Ben Eddy

Add a review

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Loading...
We use cookies to give you the best online experience. By using our website you agree to our use of cookies in accordance with our cookie policy.