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The Gift of Being Yourself: The Sacred Call to Self-Discovery

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Recipient of the Award of Merit in the Personal Growth/Individual Category of The Word Guild 2005 Canadian Christian Writing Awards! "Grant, Lord, that I may know myself that I may know thee." Augustine Much is said in Christian circles about knowing God. But Christians throughout the ages have agreed that there cannot be deep knowledge of God without deep knowledge of the Recipient of the Award of Merit in the Personal Growth/Individual Category of The Word Guild 2005 Canadian Christian Writing Awards! "Grant, Lord, that I may know myself that I may know thee." Augustine Much is said in Christian circles about knowing God. But Christians throughout the ages have agreed that there cannot be deep knowledge of God without deep knowledge of the self. Discerning your true self is inextricably related to discerning God's purposes for you. Paradoxically, the more you become like Christ, the more you become authentically yourself. In this profound exploration of Christian identity, psychologist and spiritual director David G. Benner illuminates the spirituality of self-discovery. He exposes the false selves that you may hide behind and calls you to discover the true self that emerges from your uniqueness in Christ. Freeing you from illusions about yourself, Benner shows that self-understanding leads to the fulfillment of your God-given destiny and vocation. "Christian spirituality," writes Benner, "involves a transformation of the self that occurs only when God and self are both deeply known." The self is not God, but it is the place where you meet God. Genuine self-knowledge revitalizes your spiritual life and opens the door to becoming who God has created you to be. Rest assured, you need not try to be someone you are not. But you will deepen your experience of God through discovering the gift of being yourself.


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Recipient of the Award of Merit in the Personal Growth/Individual Category of The Word Guild 2005 Canadian Christian Writing Awards! "Grant, Lord, that I may know myself that I may know thee." Augustine Much is said in Christian circles about knowing God. But Christians throughout the ages have agreed that there cannot be deep knowledge of God without deep knowledge of the Recipient of the Award of Merit in the Personal Growth/Individual Category of The Word Guild 2005 Canadian Christian Writing Awards! "Grant, Lord, that I may know myself that I may know thee." Augustine Much is said in Christian circles about knowing God. But Christians throughout the ages have agreed that there cannot be deep knowledge of God without deep knowledge of the self. Discerning your true self is inextricably related to discerning God's purposes for you. Paradoxically, the more you become like Christ, the more you become authentically yourself. In this profound exploration of Christian identity, psychologist and spiritual director David G. Benner illuminates the spirituality of self-discovery. He exposes the false selves that you may hide behind and calls you to discover the true self that emerges from your uniqueness in Christ. Freeing you from illusions about yourself, Benner shows that self-understanding leads to the fulfillment of your God-given destiny and vocation. "Christian spirituality," writes Benner, "involves a transformation of the self that occurs only when God and self are both deeply known." The self is not God, but it is the place where you meet God. Genuine self-knowledge revitalizes your spiritual life and opens the door to becoming who God has created you to be. Rest assured, you need not try to be someone you are not. But you will deepen your experience of God through discovering the gift of being yourself.

30 review for The Gift of Being Yourself: The Sacred Call to Self-Discovery

  1. 4 out of 5

    Bob

    Those who grew up with me may remember peers who were trying to "find themselves", which usually involved painful introspection, psychedelic tripping, or hitting the road Jack Kerouac-style (or all three). David Benner's book is in some sense about finding our true selves. Benner argues that the knowledge of self and the knowledge of God walk together. The danger is, and especially for religious folk, that we craft a false self the usually reflects our own judgement of what others (or God) want Those who grew up with me may remember peers who were trying to "find themselves", which usually involved painful introspection, psychedelic tripping, or hitting the road Jack Kerouac-style (or all three). David Benner's book is in some sense about finding our true selves. Benner argues that the knowledge of self and the knowledge of God walk together. The danger is, and especially for religious folk, that we craft a false self the usually reflects our own judgement of what others (or God) want us to be. Often this focuses on one aspect of our personality to which we give exaggerated attention. Benner invites us into this journey of shedding our false self by beginning with knowing God by reflecting on how he is revealed through Jesus in the gospels and how we experience his presence in our daily lives. He then deals with the issue of self-knowledge, our ignored part-selves and the amazing truth that God in Christ knows us as we truly are, despite all our failed self-improvement projects--and he loves us! He then goes deeper and calls for facing the fact that we are sinners and identifying the roots of sin in our lives, introducing the reader to the Enneagram as a tool to do this. He then invites us to face our false selves, particularly recognizing what makes us fearful and wanting to hide and where we are most defensive--a sign of the self we are trying to prop up. Finally, Benner calls us to find our true self, not by seeking the self, but by seeking the knowledge of the Lord, to identify with Christ and to recognize that the givens of our uniqueness are meant to be lived out in dependence upon Christ. This is a short book but worthy of being read both slowly and re-read!

  2. 5 out of 5

    Jeff

    Great little book about self-discovery, identity and authenticity. Some highlights: "Christian spirituality has a great deal to do with the self, not just with God. The goal of the spiritual journey is the transformation of self. This requires knowing both our self and God. Both are necessary if we are to discover our true identity as those who are in Christ. In all of creation, identity is a challenge only for humans. A tulip knows exactly what it is. It is never tempted by false ways of being. Great little book about self-discovery, identity and authenticity. Some highlights: "Christian spirituality has a great deal to do with the self, not just with God. The goal of the spiritual journey is the transformation of self. This requires knowing both our self and God. Both are necessary if we are to discover our true identity as those who are in Christ. In all of creation, identity is a challenge only for humans. A tulip knows exactly what it is. It is never tempted by false ways of being. So it is with dogs, rocks, trees, stars, amoebas, electrons and all other things. All give glory to God by being exactly what they are. For in being what God means them to be, they are obeying him. We should never be tempted to think that growth in Christlikeness reduces our uniqueness. As we become more and more like Christ we become more uniquely our own true self. John Calvin -- "There is no deep knowing of God without a deep knowing of self and no deep knowing of self without a deep knowing of God." We are all called to live the truth of our uniqueness. Divine creativity has never involved a production assembly line. The results of God's creative acts are never less than original and truly unique works of art. You and I are no exception. Without deemphasizing the value of the Bible in knowing my calling, I have come to understand an even more basic place in which God's will for me has been communicated. That is in the givens of my being. My temperment, my personality, my abilities and my interests and passions all say something about who I was called to be, not simply who I am. If I really believe that I was created by God and invited to take my place in His kingdom, I have to take seriously what God has already revealed about who I am.

  3. 5 out of 5

    Alex

    A small book with quite a lot to think about. I appreciate that this book differs from most 'How to Know God' books that I've read by presenting fresh ideas. Brenner explains how knowing God and knowing self go hand in hand, and includes some useful reflection exercises to do. This is a book that I can see myself coming back to. A small book with quite a lot to think about. I appreciate that this book differs from most 'How to Know God' books that I've read by presenting fresh ideas. Brenner explains how knowing God and knowing self go hand in hand, and includes some useful reflection exercises to do. This is a book that I can see myself coming back to.

  4. 4 out of 5

    Jennifer

    A small book with a lot to think about. Finished but getting ready to read it again. Such a fantastic book on identity.

  5. 4 out of 5

    Heather

    Favorite Quotes: "(The real me)...I continually confuse it with some ideal self that I wish I were." p. 61 "I seem to be programmed for selfishness and egocentricity, not love. If I am honest, I must admit that my motivation is never as pure or noble as I wish it to appear." p. 64 "The basic question we must ask is whether we are prepared to be OTHER than our image of our self." p. 77 "We are not our own origin, nor are we our own ultimate fulfillment. To claim to be so is a suicidal act that wounds Favorite Quotes: "(The real me)...I continually confuse it with some ideal self that I wish I were." p. 61 "I seem to be programmed for selfishness and egocentricity, not love. If I am honest, I must admit that my motivation is never as pure or noble as I wish it to appear." p. 64 "The basic question we must ask is whether we are prepared to be OTHER than our image of our self." p. 77 "We are not our own origin, nor are we our own ultimate fulfillment. To claim to be so is a suicidal act that wounds our faith relationship with the living God and replaces it with a futile faith in a self that can never exist." p. 79 "Thoughts have always been my inner companions. I seek dialogue as a way to explore and organize these imperfectly formed parts of my inner architecture. And I gravitate toward writing as an extension of this." p. 102 "The self that arrives is the self that was loved into existence by Divine Love. This is the person we were destined from eternity to become--the I that is hidden in the 'I AM'." p. 110

  6. 4 out of 5

    Kim

    I was a bit concerned when I began this book that it was going to promote a habit of navel-gazing and self-absorption, but because of the summary on the back cover and my previous experience with another of Benner's books, I gave it a go. I am very glad I did. Basically Benner's is encouraging the reader to know God more deeply and then, in the security of that relationship, face his/her true self. He shares several meditative practices that aren't at all "hocus-pocus" and which I hope to contin I was a bit concerned when I began this book that it was going to promote a habit of navel-gazing and self-absorption, but because of the summary on the back cover and my previous experience with another of Benner's books, I gave it a go. I am very glad I did. Basically Benner's is encouraging the reader to know God more deeply and then, in the security of that relationship, face his/her true self. He shares several meditative practices that aren't at all "hocus-pocus" and which I hope to continue to practice. This is a book that I will read again, probably quite soon!

  7. 4 out of 5

    Greg Grunau

    Benner roots our perspective of ourselves deeply in God's perspective of us, and then helps us to look at how we live "false" selves a lot of the time ... and how to get out of that trap and live out of God's perspective instead. This is really about receiving God's love for us more deeply than we could imagine was possible, and then in that place, learning to love and accept ourselves as we are, and then finally we'll be ready to follow Him out of our "false" selves and more and more into the " Benner roots our perspective of ourselves deeply in God's perspective of us, and then helps us to look at how we live "false" selves a lot of the time ... and how to get out of that trap and live out of God's perspective instead. This is really about receiving God's love for us more deeply than we could imagine was possible, and then in that place, learning to love and accept ourselves as we are, and then finally we'll be ready to follow Him out of our "false" selves and more and more into the "true" self He originally created us to be. One of my favourite books of all time!

  8. 5 out of 5

    Rod White

    To know myself I must know God. Benner's straitforward style and succinct outline makes this a must-read. It is like a series of quotables on spiritual development. I hope no one misses it. It is not an anecdotal approach. It is heart-felt and self-revealing withot being self-referential. It is refreshing to have someone with an evangelical understanding write about spiritual depth. To know myself I must know God. Benner's straitforward style and succinct outline makes this a must-read. It is like a series of quotables on spiritual development. I hope no one misses it. It is not an anecdotal approach. It is heart-felt and self-revealing withot being self-referential. It is refreshing to have someone with an evangelical understanding write about spiritual depth.

  9. 5 out of 5

    Alex

    Despite the emphasis in "You-ness" of the title, this book is not really about you. It's a short book on the difference between knowing and knowing about. The emphasis is really more about focusing on how God knows us and loves us, rather than the more self-help tendencies we often have as Christians to focus on how we can better love God (Think about your own Bible studies, how often do we spend on how we can better love God rather than just experiencing and reflecting on how He loves us?) Knowi Despite the emphasis in "You-ness" of the title, this book is not really about you. It's a short book on the difference between knowing and knowing about. The emphasis is really more about focusing on how God knows us and loves us, rather than the more self-help tendencies we often have as Christians to focus on how we can better love God (Think about your own Bible studies, how often do we spend on how we can better love God rather than just experiencing and reflecting on how He loves us?) Knowing God is more relationship than information despite our modern inclinations to study the Bible like a textbook while treating inward reflection and self knowledge as dangerous. Central to this book is the chicken-or-egg paradox of knowing oneself vs. knowing God. Without knowing yourself, you're neglecting areas of potential transformation and connection between you and God while, but without the knowing God and His knowledge and love which came first for us you're unlikely to be able to look accurately enough at oneself to know yourself. While a topic dear to my heart and a short enough of a book where it doesn't hurt to read, I think I have preferred books on this topic (Mansions of the Heart, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, and Ragamuffin Gospel come to mind). There's other books to me that either go deeper, are more practical, or resonate more with me, but the brevity certainly helps if you're newer and want a quicker dive into this broader topic.

  10. 5 out of 5

    Joel Ken

    Whatever is good about this book - and there is a little bit of good - is completely undone by how bad it is. His interaction with scripture can be summed up in three words: Highly speculative eisegesis. That was painful to sit through. His main premise of the book could have been posted on a long blog, or maybe a journal article (if it would qualify - it's not that researched in terms of peers). The worst aspect of this book is that it's highly repetitive. His main premise is repeated in every cha Whatever is good about this book - and there is a little bit of good - is completely undone by how bad it is. His interaction with scripture can be summed up in three words: Highly speculative eisegesis. That was painful to sit through. His main premise of the book could have been posted on a long blog, or maybe a journal article (if it would qualify - it's not that researched in terms of peers). The worst aspect of this book is that it's highly repetitive. His main premise is repeated in every chapter (heck, almost every page!), but not in the sense that he is building an argument but that he is literally repeating the premise with no additional argument. What is the point of that? We get it! This book is so simple in its construction of its main premise, it deserved a free blog not its own book - I feel sad that I bought this.

  11. 4 out of 5

    Claire Johnson

    I think the epigraph by Thomas Merton that opens the book sums it up well: “There is only one problem in which all my existence, my peace, and my happiness depend: to discover myself in discovering God. If I find Him I will find myself and if I find my true self I will find Him.” (1) I absolutely loved this book. Benner took very high and lofty ideas and made them personal & practical. I wanted to eat it all up in one sitting (it’s a short book) but I forced myself to take it in small bites. I’m so gl I think the epigraph by Thomas Merton that opens the book sums it up well: “There is only one problem in which all my existence, my peace, and my happiness depend: to discover myself in discovering God. If I find Him I will find myself and if I find my true self I will find Him.” (1) I absolutely loved this book. Benner took very high and lofty ideas and made them personal & practical. I wanted to eat it all up in one sitting (it’s a short book) but I forced myself to take it in small bites. I’m so glad I did, and I will most certainly revisit this book again.

  12. 4 out of 5

    Joel Sam

    Benner discusses an oft-neglected topic in the evangelical church: the importance of self-discovery. All too often the Christian narrative is to neglect self-awareness in favor of spiritual disciplines that focus attention on God. While knowing God is important, Benner underscores that knowing one's self is key to understanding one's relationship with God, and how his image can be reflected. Benner calls on tools such as the Enneagram and contemplative meditation to help the reader understand th Benner discusses an oft-neglected topic in the evangelical church: the importance of self-discovery. All too often the Christian narrative is to neglect self-awareness in favor of spiritual disciplines that focus attention on God. While knowing God is important, Benner underscores that knowing one's self is key to understanding one's relationship with God, and how his image can be reflected. Benner calls on tools such as the Enneagram and contemplative meditation to help the reader understand themselves in a deeper way.

  13. 5 out of 5

    Savannah Moore

    I never would’ve picked this book up of a shelf based on the title alone. It seems like the kind of book I avoid. But I am so glad a dear friend sent it to me! It is much more than just being yourself in some fluffy way. It is a call to deep knowing of God and self and increasing Christlikeness as we become the people God created us to be by the power of surrendering ourselves completely as we are to the Holy Spirit. The language can feel a little weird sometimes, and the biblical exegesis is a I never would’ve picked this book up of a shelf based on the title alone. It seems like the kind of book I avoid. But I am so glad a dear friend sent it to me! It is much more than just being yourself in some fluffy way. It is a call to deep knowing of God and self and increasing Christlikeness as we become the people God created us to be by the power of surrendering ourselves completely as we are to the Holy Spirit. The language can feel a little weird sometimes, and the biblical exegesis is a stretch sometimes, but all in all it was a true game changer for me. Changed my life and heart and hopefully my walk with Jesus forever. I have already bought this for several friends!

  14. 4 out of 5

    Grant Everly

    The title makes it sound like it’s a self-help book about turning inwardly to find your best life, but that isn’t the case. A lot of it is about diagnosing your core “sin tendencies” or personal flaws, and understanding how Jesus makes us whole. I found it to be really well done. The right mix of heady but accessible, thought-provoking yet practical. It was perfect for the season of life I was in when I read it, making it a favorite.

  15. 4 out of 5

    Katie Riedesel

    This book is a great tool to meet with God in life changing ways. If you actually take the time to put into practice what the book suggests I can guarantee you transformation will take place. I will definitely wade through it again a little bit slower as my friend and I meet to go over discussion questions. I highly recommend this book. I read it along side Who God Says You Are by Klyne Snodgrass and the combination was particularly amazing.

  16. 4 out of 5

    Jennifer

    It hurts to let go of our “carefully cultivated false self” and reading this book can be painful, in a needed & restorative way. I read this book with a small group and was so glad I did. It’s a small book that at first sight seems like a quick, easy read. However, there are single sentences I’ve been thinking about for many days. It’s a jam packed 124 pages.

  17. 5 out of 5

    Mary Juno

    David Benner's books are all excellent - he writes from both a spiritual and psychological sense - and they are my go-to's in books on Christian formation. In this book, he shows the many ways our false selves can deceive us, and paves a way back to our true selves where we find our identity in God. Highly Recommend. David Benner's books are all excellent - he writes from both a spiritual and psychological sense - and they are my go-to's in books on Christian formation. In this book, he shows the many ways our false selves can deceive us, and paves a way back to our true selves where we find our identity in God. Highly Recommend.

  18. 5 out of 5

    Elizabeth

    This is a book that should be revisited many times. It would be good for a group study as well Lots of helpful exercises and examples. Any Christian who wants to know more Christ better and is interested in doing that through knowing who they are to be in Him should read this book.

  19. 4 out of 5

    Brad Linden

    A short, helpful book on learning to believe that God was intentional in how he made you. The method he suggests for "spending time with Jesus in scripture" has been a good practice to have in my spiritual disciplines "backpack". I'm always a sucker for any Christian book that backs off of the idea that the ideal Christian is a BOLD EXTROVERT. A short, helpful book on learning to believe that God was intentional in how he made you. The method he suggests for "spending time with Jesus in scripture" has been a good practice to have in my spiritual disciplines "backpack". I'm always a sucker for any Christian book that backs off of the idea that the ideal Christian is a BOLD EXTROVERT.

  20. 5 out of 5

    Mark Durrell

    An engaging & candid approach to identity and vocation. This is the 2nd book in Benner's trilogy on spiritual transformation. It's message is vital for today - We discover our true selves through God; not self-improvement or reinventing ourselves. An engaging & candid approach to identity and vocation. This is the 2nd book in Benner's trilogy on spiritual transformation. It's message is vital for today - We discover our true selves through God; not self-improvement or reinventing ourselves.

  21. 5 out of 5

    Sarah

    I appreciate how this book enabled me to consider my relationship with God and who I am. I have not figured it all out, but I am working towards doing so.

  22. 5 out of 5

    Terry Watson

    Incredibly wise counsel for those of us on a spiritual journey and extremely thought provoking.

  23. 5 out of 5

    Robert Durough, Jr.

    Fluff. Would likely be more helpful if condensed into a pamphlet leading the reader to more helpful resources.

  24. 5 out of 5

    BJ

    While there is a mystical trajectory in this book that I'm theologically uncomfortable with, there is much soul-probing wisdom. My Kindle finger was in highlight mode throughout. While there is a mystical trajectory in this book that I'm theologically uncomfortable with, there is much soul-probing wisdom. My Kindle finger was in highlight mode throughout.

  25. 4 out of 5

    Tom Greentree

    My 3rd read. Banner has deeply impacted me as I’ve grown in Christ. Highly recommended.

  26. 5 out of 5

    Andrew McCoy

    For some reason, I was hesitant to read this book. It was recommended to me by a friend and mentor after I explained to him that I didn't really know what I wanted to do with my life. I admitted that I was sort of lost. I had just closed one long chapter of my life and was opening a new chapter that no one else had written for me. I waited for some direction, some pearls of wisdom from one who had navigated these shallows years before with apparent skill. I encountered this book as a result of th For some reason, I was hesitant to read this book. It was recommended to me by a friend and mentor after I explained to him that I didn't really know what I wanted to do with my life. I admitted that I was sort of lost. I had just closed one long chapter of my life and was opening a new chapter that no one else had written for me. I waited for some direction, some pearls of wisdom from one who had navigated these shallows years before with apparent skill. I encountered this book as a result of that conversation. Before I even got to the first chapter, I was struck by a line in the forward: "[This book] will mean the death of our carefully cultivated false self." Ouch. While I'm just beginning to stick my toe in these deep waters, here are some take aways that have helped me so far: 1.) Delving into your authentic self including skills, abilities, strengths, weaknesses, deepest fears and desires is not selfish, arrogant psychobabble, but essential to the deepest possible relationship with God and sense of true vocation. "A humble self-knowledge is a surer way to God than a search after deep learning." - Thomas a Kempis For some reason, this principle was a relief to me. I get stuck trying to inventory my "qualifications" because of my inner critic and false humility. 2.) Self-ignorance is the fertile soil from which double lives are cultivated. If I'm not honest about who I am to God and other people I will live a superficial, hypocritical life. I want there to be a consistency between my work and my true self. I want to do this one right. 3.) Authentic self-knowledge is a paradox; it doesn't start with more knowledge of me. It must start with knowing what my Creator thinks about me. This knowledge starts with genuine knowledge of God (not just knowledge about God). Benner has some practical suggestions for trying to experience more of God rather than learning and remembering facts about Him. 4.) Authenticity is undermined by my false self--that package that I have created to present myself in the best possible light. Getting to true authenticity requires examination of the lies I have created to cope with life. Benner suggests two things to help identify your false self: (1.) Ask God to help you see what makes you feel most vulnerable and most like running for cover. (2.) Prayerfully reflect on the image of you self to which you are most attached. 5.) "Vocation" (also known as "calling") is "much bigger than a career, job or occupation--our unique calling will be based on our gifts and abilities, will grow out of our deepest desires, and will always involve some response to the needs of the world." "The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." (Frederick Buechner) This is the concept that brought me to this book in the first place. Uncovering my true self is fundamental to finding out who (and what) God created me to be -- my vocation. Benner suggests two "final" steps to take to move forward: (1.) Meditate on the example of Jesus in Luke 2:41-50 where he reveals with confidence his true, clear sense of identity and calling. (2.) Prayerfully write out a mission statement for your life. This book was the best use of my time to genuinely get to the roots of that nagging question in my mind: "What should I DO next?".

  27. 5 out of 5

    Vee

    It is often the shorter books that stay with you the longest. This book was incredibly thought provoking and really changed the way I view both myself and my relationship with God. Definitely a book to use a journal with.

  28. 5 out of 5

    Bekie

    This would be five stars if it were 2 chapters, but at book length it is super repetitive and falls short. Sometimes less is more.

  29. 5 out of 5

    Hannah Christmas

    This was a fantastic book that will be revisited many times. It isn't necessarily a "how-to" kind of book, although it does provide some guidance on unmasking yourself and finding your identity in Christ. But it is more of a reminder of who Christ is and who that makes us to be. It is a light to shine on the areas of our lives and personalities that we prefer to hide because that isn't who we want to be. Benner nudges us in the direction of revealing those areas so that we can accept them as par This was a fantastic book that will be revisited many times. It isn't necessarily a "how-to" kind of book, although it does provide some guidance on unmasking yourself and finding your identity in Christ. But it is more of a reminder of who Christ is and who that makes us to be. It is a light to shine on the areas of our lives and personalities that we prefer to hide because that isn't who we want to be. Benner nudges us in the direction of revealing those areas so that we can accept them as part of us, but also to know that God is gracious enough to forgive them. Only once we accept ourselves for who we really are can we know how deep His love is for us--because it reaches us even there. And then we may know who God is fully, as well as who we are fully. It's a short and sweet book that won't take you long. I highly recommend it.

  30. 4 out of 5

    Jonathan

    This was a short book that focused on the interplay between getting to know yourself and getting to know God. I didn't get a lot out of the book, probably because it is short and because I've already been hearing and thinking a lot about the true self/false self and self-awareness issues for a while now. The book reminded me to spend more time meditating on gospel stories and to not take myself too seriously, but it didn't expose me to anything that I hadn't already been thinking about a lot. It This was a short book that focused on the interplay between getting to know yourself and getting to know God. I didn't get a lot out of the book, probably because it is short and because I've already been hearing and thinking a lot about the true self/false self and self-awareness issues for a while now. The book reminded me to spend more time meditating on gospel stories and to not take myself too seriously, but it didn't expose me to anything that I hadn't already been thinking about a lot. It may be very helpful for those who hadn't heard its message before and I hope that such people can get this book in their hands as a good introduction to such themes, but those who are already interested in the journey of self-discovery probably need a more in-depth read.

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